Thursday, July 18, 2013
It’s a bit of a shame that it coincides with the second Test. How can we thank him for snitching when there’s an urn to be returned? You don’t make friends with salad, Mickey.
Now, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that I don’t like Michael Clarke.
If you were to ask me, I’d say he pretty much encapsulates everything that is wrong with the Australian side. In fact, without him, I believe they would be significantly more successful than they currently are.
Let’s have a look at the comments he made after the first Test. I have translated his words for the non-Australians out there.
"I need to get better." Everyone else needs to get better.
"Unfortunately if I had used my reviews better it would have helped our team.” It’s not my fault my team can’t bat unambiguously.
"I am not happy with my use of DRS but both teams are using it and England have used it better than I have.” That was a shit game.
“It is consistent for both teams.” I am the greatest.
"I'm going to concentrate on getting my referrals better.” Because my batting is so awesome.
"Sometimes you find out you did hit it, like in my case.” I didn’t hit it. Fuck you all.
“Other times you find out you were right.” I’m always right.
“That's how the game is and you learn to live with it.” My job is safe because I’m the golden boy of Cricket Australia.
"That's the way it goes with the DRS system.” Yeah, that’s right, I just said Decision Review System system.
“At the end of the day it was a great Test match." I want to saw your face off with a teaspoon.
I’m sure you’ll agree the problem here is not Shane Watson.
I’ve seen comments around the traps that if Australia had any hope of winning a match this series, it was the first Test. That ship has sailed but I stand by my prediction of a 2-1 series victory. Partly out of blind, misguided faith, partly... no it's probably all blind, misguided faith.
On balance the sides were fairly evenly matched, and with a few extra runs (I’m looking at you, skipper) we’ll be alright. I'd say Ed Cowan's on his last chance. England were solid but not brilliant. Australia didn’t lay down and die in the first, and they won’t for the rest of the series.
A lot hinges on the toss, and this too is probably Michael Clarke’s fault.
Onward to glory.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
A decade ago I loathed cricket with a fervour that I now reserve for hippies and gun-happy Americans. But I knew who most of the Australian cricketers were. Not because of their skill (a low score meant it would all be over quicker - yay) but because they had a bit of personality.
Maybe you can’t entirely blame a cricketer in these modern times for being completely devoid of personality. To be fair, they are media-managed to the point of having their personalities surgically removed.
But Ricky Ponting was on Australian Story just last night talking about how liked to be seen as miserable. Wonderful, a personality trait! Not a likeable one but hey, I’ll take it.
Lately, the biggest personality on the team is arguably Michael Clarke. Why? Because everyone thought he was gay and then Lara Bingle.
I’m not asking them to go Andrew Flintoff on us, or drink their weight in VB (those may be the same things) but jeez, Mitch Johnson, having a gaudy, bogan tattoo is not a substitute for personality.
Certainly the ask was ridiculous (ask Ross Taylor, a PowerPoint presentation won’t make you good at cricket) but this act of not doing their ‘homework’ then effectively blaming the dog, is a small mercy in the pit of despair that significant losses in India brings during an Ashes year.
You may be shit but you do have a third dimension!
Thank you, thank you. Thanks for chucking a hissy fit and leaving, Watto. Maybe you’re not just a man made out of jellybeans after all. Viva la revolución!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Holding a Test match in Wellington at the end of March is a pretty stupid thing to do.
It has rained more than half the days so far this month, and while the MetService often get it wrong, (the weather can change from rainy to sunny faster than Jesse can down a XXXX), rain is forecast from Friday through until Monday.
Who in their right mind would commit to that scheduling in a place where the weather is so reliably unreliable?
People who want the match to be rained out. Who would take a draw over a loss. I know, it sounds like an England thing to do, but when you consider how desperately NZ models itself on England in other ways, that’s not so surprising.
I’ll be shot down for saying this, because after all the Black Caps did beat us (in December, but here you’re always as good as the last time you defeated Australia), and that will be clung to for the next 20 years.
There will undoubtedly be a thousand apparently-legitimate reasons (read: excuses) for it, but whoever decided to schedule the Test at this time of year in this city had an agenda, and I don’t think it involved a genuine attempt at a five-day game of cricket.
Ah well. Given how quickly the Black Caps surrendered in Hamilton, it’s not like the Proteas will need more than a few patches of blue sky to finish them off here either.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Cricket was played in Afghanistan in the 1800s, the earliest recorded match being against British troops in Kabul in 1839 during the Anglo-Afghan wars, but it didn't take off. In the 1990s it was picked up again by Afghan refugees living in Pakistan, and continued to play after their return to Afghanistan. The Afghanistan Cricket Federation was formed in 1995, but within a year the country fell into the hands of the Taliban militia, who banned all sports.
Remarkably, in 2000, cricket became the only sport allowed to be played in Afghanistan, as the Taliban overturned the ban for this one exception to all sport.
In 2001 a national team was formed and became an affiliate member of the ICC. The team was touring Pakistan when the war in Afghanistan commenced in October. Despite this, they continued playing in tournaments in Asia and the Middle East. In fact, they even defeated an MCC side featuring Mike Gatting, who was dismissed for a duck.
Obvious security risks mean their home ground is Sharjah Cricket Association Stadium in the UAE, but have also played home matches in Sri Lanka. The Afghanistan Cricket Board, however, is based in Kabul, and in April 2010 the foundation stone for Afghanistan’s first cricket stadium was laid by the chairman of the Cricket Board (also the country’s finance minister) in Jalalabad. The Sherzai Cricket Stadium was to cost US$5 million and be paid for by the government. It was still under construction in June 2011 when the photo below was taken, and I haven’t been able to find anything more recent.
Despite this, there are 320 cricket clubs and six turf wickets in Afghanistan. In fact, there’s even a domestic competition, in which 22 provinces play a 25-over or 40-over format, aiming to make the game's appeal more widespread, as well as develop talent. Crowds of up to 5000 watch these matches. Not without its own politics, the tournament also aims to remove perception that cricket in Afghanistan is played by one tribe exclusively.
Maybe most brilliantly of all, in 2010 a national women’s cricket team was formed in Afghanistan. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the team was forced to withdraw from a T20 tournament in Kuwait a year later because of ongoing and strong opposition to women’s participation in sport. Baby steps, but they are steps.
Leaps and bounds for the men’s team, on the other hand, who have gender on side. Only four years ago they were in Division 5 of the ICC’s World Cricket League. In 2010 they played in Division 1. Although they failed to qualify for the 2015 World Cup in 2011's qualifying tournament, they were awarded ODI status for four years. Next month they will play in the ICC World T20 Qualifier in the UAE. They are currently ninth in the ICC T20 rankings.
The Afghan National Cricket Academy has only four training nets and one bowling machine. Imagine what they could accomplish with the resources that are available to teams like Australia or New Zealand - even Canada. Sure, the gulf between Afghanistan and the top-ranking teams on the table above is enormous (and teams like Bangladesh haven’t played enough to qualify), but their potential equally enormous.
In February 2011, the BBC premiered Out of the Ashes, a documentary about cricket in Afghanistan. The film crew had unrestricted access to the team as they travelled to qualifying tournaments around the world. They also visited refugee camps in Pakistan. A book of the same name is also available to buy here.
Grassroots cricket success in a country torn apart by war. Are you not inspired?
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Coaching clinic in Santa Teresa:
Santa Teresa is a tiny town about 70km out of Alice Springs. Good see Cricket Australia going remote.
Photos were tagged Imparja Cup, which is Australia's national indigenous cricket carnival, an annual tournament being held in Alice Springs this week, and came from @melindafarrell.
(When will the obsession with Instagram end?)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
More interested in the trappings of your fame and fortune; promotions and sponsorship than Test cricket.
Too ensconced in celebrity culture.
You won’t accept responsibility. There will always be an excuse, even when the truth is that we just weren’t good enough. We’ll be stuck in the doldrums for at least the next decade.
The team has already succumbed to mediocrity, but you won’t take it seriously enough; when underperforming, you’ll laugh it off. On Twitter.
Your form sucks. How can you lead by example?
You won’t show good sportsmanship. In fact you probably won’t show any.
There's your gauntlet. Prove me wrong. I implore you.