Dear Ishant Sharma,
While I begrudgingly offer my congratulations to you and your teammates for your victory tonight, a pattern has a emerged that I would like to discuss with you.
You have a wondrous knack for being the Achilles heel of Ricky Ponting, and as I find this difficult to cope with, I would like to make you a lucrative offer.
It just so happens that my extraordinary best friend Ruth, for reasons unbeknown to me, fancies the pants off you.
I propose a trade. This fine specimen of a female in exchange for your leniency towards our captain.
She's at uni at the moment, but transferring to Indraprastha Vishwavidyalaya University shouldn't be a problem.
On the odd occasion that we find ourselves at the nets at the local park, she proves to be skillful with a bat, and so you could even practice bowling at her.
Also, her hair is currently the colour of Leeloo's from the Fifth Element, so you will not lose her in busy Delhi streets.
I daresay she will even commit treason and support your team, and this sort of pledge from an Australian is indicative of supreme dedication.
In exchange, you must promise to go easy on our Ricky. At least hold off until he makes a century before inflicting your wrath.
See, our Punter is a bit fragile of late. He's been a bit shell shocked since his hair miraculously started growing back, and I fear he is concerned it shall not stop growing until it resembles yours. It is this distraction that throws him off guard every time.
I have a theory that the captain of the winning side should consistently be awarded man of the match, however at this stage we're even struggling a bit with the winning part.
There are no losers in this deal, especially not yourself. If you accept my offer, please contact me and we can arrange a drop off point.
Your discretion in this sensitive matter is deeply appreciated.
Miss Field for Cricket Australia
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