Monday, February 4, 2008

You've got to be kidding

Thanks to Will at the Corridor for posting a link to this.

Attention English cricket team. Do acting. Do singing. Do wine, even! Don't do fashion. You are a weak and spineless bunch by on-field reputation, swanning about declaring to the world your love of Hugo Boss and fake tan doesn't help. While moisturiser may enhance your pasty complexions, discussing it does nothing to enhance your wilted image.

Maybe it's a joke. Please say it is, then we can all have a good laugh, eat bagels and have tea, and pretend it was all a very bad dream. Posing for photos is one thing, but this is pathetic. The worst has got to be Anderson, who was coerced (presumably by his fiance) to have a spray tan before his wedding. What a wholesome and nourishing relationship theirs must be. If his tan has washed off now, does that mean she's left him? Or is she surely not so superficial?!

And Stuart Broad, the peroxided, be-mulleted hunk of man-meat, who for reasons inexplicable to me, made the so-called fashion editor who was interviewing him swoon. Please! Don't encourage this. This isn't the behaviour of real men! This is the behaviour I've come to expect from effiminate Beckham-esque soccer players who dive because it's the only way they can make on-field progress and at the same time mask their lack of talent. It doesn't fool anyone. Cricketers are better than this, even English ones.

I tried to imagine Australian players doing this. Ponting, Symonds, Lee and Gilchrist. Similarly some Kiwis. Imagine Oram, Vettori, Taylor and Patel in an interview like this? No. They would laugh! They might do it if they were contracted to, but they wouldn't act so proud or take themselves so seriously.

But no, these four clowns sit there talking themselves up like they're models! I get that they're paid well for it, but please. TOUGHEN UP, BOYS! Once you're at the top of the cricketing tree, then ponce about in this fashion (if you must). But don't give the rest of the world any more reasons to laugh at you, there are plenty already.

I hope New Zealand wipe the floor with this bunch of pansies. They may as well have sat down and composed a list of potential sledges and emailed it to NZ Cricket management. They virtually did!

An old Greg Champion song springs to mind...
Deep in our hearts everyone barracks for Fitzroy
Because Fitzroy are the most lovable team
And how do
they keep their shorts so clean
Fitzroy are the most lovable team we've got

And just as Fitzroy are no longer a team in their own right, the England are not lovable. Just kinda pitiable. And damn funny.

As usual, Gilly sums it up best.


The Atheist said...

Yeah, you’re right, imagine Shane Watson getting involved in anything like this.

Although, this is a hilarious video, if for the fact that they are so incredibly awkward. I’m not sure they convey much useful fashion advice. I’m surprised they didn’t contact KP. Who isn’t too proud not to pay £20’000 for ear-rings.

My heart genuinely bleeds for Anderson. We’ve all been there. Although, I might call it quits at sprayed tan.

Miss Field said...

What's funnier than KP paying 20000 pounds for earrings is that he tells people.

I find it so odd that they were making fun of Paul Collingwood for not wearing make up and looking 'shabby'. In my book he's normal. He looks like a bloke should!

As for spray tan... I can't imagine how superficial that woman must be.

Leg Break said...

I’ve got a nagging feeling it’s a send-up, but I certainly hope I’m wrong.

Anyway, Stuart Broad’s hideous, send-up or not…

The Sporting Spirit said...

Now this is what I call a Woman's Blog on cricket heheh...good stuff...

Oomby Dave said...

Ponting is a real man...

John said...

You're too harsh. I would have done pretty much anything for that much money. Nothing wrong with talking about g-strings if Anderson can bowl as well as he did to Tendulkar in the summer.

Great blog.

Miss Field said...

Thank you.

As for Anderson, well I'm a red-blooded female and the mental picture he forced into my mind was nasty.

I feel sorry for you blokes out there who had to endure a similar mental image.

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