In my favourite book, the human soul is a physical manifestation in the shape of an animal that reflects the person's character, known as their dæmon.
I think mine would probably be a wombat and be called Xanthius.
Lately I've been thinking about certain cricketers, and what form their dæmons would take.
Andrew and black panther Evangeline. Evangeline shows great restraint when Andrew is racially taunted, because if she wanted to, she could tear the throats out of his abusers in seconds. They enjoy watching Enough Rope on Monday nights.
Graeme and Merle, a black mamba. Merle is the king of the African snakes, and the largest of the poisonous. Two drops of her venom are enough to kill a human, and it happens within minutes by paralysis of the nervous system. That's our Graeme! Graeme and Merle love holidaying in the Caribbean, especially Antigua.
Paul and Marielle, a loyal jack russell terrier. They engage in debates about world affairs and can often be heard discussing international politics, especially the Middle East conflict. Marielle is terrified of flying.
Jesse and Brinlynn, a rather dull-witted black-faced sheep who was amused by Jesse's recent behaviour. The pair occasionally partake in cow tipping, and have been caught more than once. New Zealand cricket conveniently overlooked this disturbing hobby when selecting him.
Ricky and Kalandra, a hard-working, no-frills blue heeler who can round up sheep faster than Freddie Flintoff can round up mates to have a beer with. Kalandra secretly hates Princess Mary for becoming a more famous Tasmanian than Ricky. She knows Ricky deserves those New Idea covers.
Kevin and Tiessa are a force to be reckoned with. Together they form a one-in-a-million mutual admiration society. Tiessa thinks most English people are pillocks, and Kevin not-so-secretly agrees.
- ► 2009 (51)
- Outing the cricket demons
- Hot cross Poms
- News from the world of Australian cricket
- Cricket chemistry
- Decisions that shit me
- Hairy Maclary is back, but most certainly not sexy...
- Who wants to go a knight rider?
- Steph Broad and the doom of cricket
- Glenn McGrath: still useful
- The empire strikes back...
- "I come hither to die"
- New Zealand are great
- Do England actually want to win?
- Justin's going
- Like feeding time at the zoo...
- Pure NZ, 100%, oh yeah
- It's over
- Andrew Symonds shares the love
- Woes and woefulness
- ▼ March (19)