Sunday, March 30, 2008

Outing the cricket demons

In my favourite book, the human soul is a physical manifestation in the shape of an animal that reflects the person's character, known as their dæmon.

I think mine would probably be a wombat and be called Xanthius.

Lately I've been thinking about certain cricketers, and what form their dæmons would take.

Andrew and black panther Evangeline. Evangeline shows great restraint when Andrew is racially taunted, because if she wanted to, she could tear the throats out of his abusers in seconds. They enjoy watching Enough Rope on Monday nights.

Graeme and Merle, a black mamba. Merle is the king of the African snakes, and the largest of the poisonous. Two drops of her venom are enough to kill a human, and it happens within minutes by paralysis of the nervous system. That's our Graeme! Graeme and Merle love holidaying in the Caribbean, especially Antigua.

Paul and Marielle, a loyal jack russell terrier. They engage in debates about world affairs and can often be heard discussing international politics, especially the Middle East conflict. Marielle is terrified of flying.

Jesse and Brinlynn, a rather dull-witted black-faced sheep who was amused by Jesse's recent behaviour. The pair occasionally partake in cow tipping, and have been caught more than once. New Zealand cricket conveniently overlooked this disturbing hobby when selecting him.

Ricky and Kalandra, a hard-working, no-frills blue heeler who can round up sheep faster than Freddie Flintoff can round up mates to have a beer with. Kalandra secretly hates Princess Mary for becoming a more famous Tasmanian than Ricky. She knows Ricky deserves those New Idea covers.

Kevin and Tiessa are a force to be reckoned with. Together they form a one-in-a-million mutual admiration society. Tiessa thinks most English people are pillocks, and Kevin not-so-secretly agrees.


David Barry said...

Wouldn't Jack Russell be a better match for the jack russell terrier?

Miss Field said...

If only life was that straightforward.

Oomby Dave said...

Hmmm Very good, but can't you come up with more?

Oomby Dave said...

I got an idea!
Get ppl who read this to send their player/deamon entries to you and the best one can, I dunno get your bra signed by you!

Miss Field said...

The lucky lucky punters.

Yes there are plenty more, but it was late and I was tired and I did all the ironing!

The Atheist said...


I love the fact that Ponting's deamon is some scraggy mongrel.

What would Matthew Hayden's be? Oh wait, we'd never know; he's eaten it.

Jrod said...

Now do the cricket bloggers...

miriam said...

DEFINITELY do the cricket bloggers.

For the cricketers, I think Ryan Sidebottom is an Old English Sheepdog. No need to send me a bra, I'm fine for bras thank you.

I think Matthew Hayden is a bear, but specifically that bear that was chased up a tree by a ginger cat (ask the internet).

Suave said...

Now that mims, is freaky..

I Usually use google reader, to access my bestest cricket sites, and as there was no update from Missy today, i hadn't visited!

It's like The Twilight zone!

And missy, you should do us cricket bloggers, but no bra for me either, my missus would thrash me within an inch of my life.

miriam said...

It is indeed freaksome. Especially with my suggestion that people ask the internet about said bear and ginger cat. It's like I'm controlling your mind but without either of us knowing.

Miss Field said...

The photo that goes with the bear story is so cool.

Hello Suavey, was wondering where you were. I am in the process of doing the bloggers, but it takes time to do you all justice.

Suave said...

Hello kiddo, I'm here. Been a busy boy with a mansion move and employing my team of philippino tailors!

I can imagine it must be tough, because we're very hard to please.

Miss Field said...

Tailors from the Phillipines eh? Not Milan? Moving is so stressful.

Suave said...

No the designers are all saville row and carnaby street, the tailors are better in the philippines!

It certainly is.
I'm knackered.

The most stressful thing, is dealing with landlords trying to mug you off, for your deposit, when you leave.

Bastards the lot of them,

Miss Field said...

Yes, the world is certainly in no shortage of bastards, it is true.

Still, I'm sure you'll recover well and in true English form (that's a reference to alcohol, not cricket, just in case you wondered).

D Charlton said...

What's D Jardine's daemon?

He's my hero as he copies my comment name and once got Larwood to bowl bouncers at Aussies – who all cried.