Thursday, May 29, 2008

Oh dear, Graeme

I'm a bit stuck on Facebook at the moment.

And as I'm bored I thought I would search for interesting groups about Graeme Smith.

There are 36 Facebook groups (all seem to originate from South Africa) that involve Graeme Smith in their title.

Six are fan groups.

What a popular guy!

Let's have a look at some of these groups, and see where the hatred lies, and more importantly, is the same person running each of the six fan pages, and is that person Graeme?

Let's start with the fans: A group for people who r tired of people who always criticise Graeme Smith - created by Jeaniene Kotze - 63 members. The opening spiel is 'interesting': He can score a 1000 runs in a match, yet they refuse to acknowledge it! I think maybe I am missing something here? And judging by the use of letters instead of words in this group's name, (and because its creator is prominent in the anti-sites, rigorously defending 'her' hero) I'd say maybe this is Graeme's work. Actually she, Jeaniene/Graeme, has written on the walls of each of the anti-Graeme pages, scolding them. She's a funny girl.

We LoVe Graeme Smith -
2 members, which says it all I think.

Graeme Smith should be shot - 93 members - features Graeme's personal 'tour diary', stolen from him during the last World Cup.

Following closely Someone shoot Graeme Smith - are in their own words, a group dedicated to people who love the sport of cricket and, as such, have no time or respect for Graeme Smith, a man who talks in cliches, leads by bad example and has no lips! - 2 members.

Blame it on Graeme - 31 members - Have a problem...blame it on Graeme! Who ever said Graeme Smith can play cricket....wrong answer!

Graeme Smith is the biggest fucking dickhead this country has ever seen - 1 member, but I predict great things.

He may be good at Cricket but Graeme Smith is still a COCK!!! - 22 members. Interestingly, this group has put itself in the Dating/Relationships category.

Graeme Smith is a nob-jockey - 19 members - Yes we all love our beautiful country and always support our country's sporting endeavours, but why is our cricket captain such a monumental wop?

GRAEME SMITH WE DONT LOVE YOU - indeed - 9 members.

Graeme Smith must be burned at the stake! - 47 members - they refer to him as Gayham Smurf. This group is dedicated to the abuse of a useless captain, a youngin who just didn't have what it takes! Graeme Smith, you are a WANKER!!

They also 'found this letter':
"Dear Dr. Ruth, I am a crack dealer in KEMPTON PARK, GAUTENG who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus.

My parents live in Hillbrow and one of my sisters, who live in Benoni, is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Brakpan.

I have two brothers; one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Leeukop Central Prison for the
murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Yeoville. She is now a part time "working girl ".
All things considered,my problem is this. I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin Graeme Smith, the SA Cricket Captain?


Worried About My Reputation"

The last one is my personal favourite - Graeme Smith knows as much about cricket as I do about chemical engineering - 7 members, which is a bit disappointing for such an awesomely-named Facebook group. So I joined and thus increased their membership by 14 per cent.

Well, he's done it again! Graeme Smith has proven without a doubt that he knows how to read a cricket pitch about as well as George Bush reads a kindergarten story book, upside down!

There is also one group whose name suggests its purpose is debate about whether Smith or Michael Vaughan is a better captain, but I'm filing that one under Jokes.

Now as there don't seem to be many South Africans who roll with the bloggers, it's difficult to perceive the South African perspective, I'm going to stick my neck out and say... South Africans don't like Graeme Smith.

Which begs the question - does anyone?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

And then he conquered Facebook

Everyone's favourite cricket blogger has created a quiz.

Answer seven simple questions, harass your friends (11 to be exact, sucks to be you if you've only got ten) to do the same and find out which cricketer you are.

For your information I am Glenn McGrath (I think bad hair gave me away. Or maybe my batting prowess?).

You can, and should, do the quiz here.

Daniel Vettori, Discworld overlord?

So everyone hates Daniel Vettori right now. He probably hates himself. I mean, what's the point in yelling at your team when you're just as bad (employ me and I'll do it for you).

At the moment I'm reading The Fifth Elephant, and everytime I see Vetinari I read it as Vettori.

Let's take a look at the life and times of Daniel Vettori, Patrician of Ankh-Morpork.

Daniel Vettori was born into the extremely powerful Vettori family and raised by his aunt, Lady Roberta Meserole.

As a youth, he enrolled in the Assassin's Guild, which, apart from teaching its students how to kill other people for money, also gives them an excellent education. Lord Vettori was particularly interested in the classical arts and camouflage, though he was failed in his stealth examination due to his apparent absence in class.

Lord Vettori succeeded Mad Lord Fleming, who had been as mad as the name suggests. One of Vettori's earliest actions and a sample of his way of running the city was to legalise Guilds such as those of the Thieves and the "Seamstresses", which had been active but outlawed for years.

Several attempts have been made on Vettori's life or position
(strangely enough, he seems to be involved in most of these). Shortly after his ascent to office, he was briefly turned into a lizard by a wizard under the influence of a Sourcerer. He was deposed for a time in favour of a summoned dragon and locked up in his own dungeons, from which he escaped at his leisure.

He was shot in the leg and a year later, he was poisoned with arsenic, which he inhaled from the smoke of poisoned candles.

Some time later, Vettori was framed for assault and theft from the city treasury. Again he came a hair's breadth from being deposed. He was arrested by his own Commander of the Watch for attempted murder, and spent part of the book incarcerated.

None of these events – even poisoning – seem to have fazed him at all. There have also been numerous attempts on his life by Assassins retained by other parties; the universal failure of these attempts led to the Guild's refusal to accept further bounties on Vettori's death.

It has been suggested that Vettori may not be entirely human, though this is primarily because of his methods and personality, as opposed to any sort of physical proof.

New Zealand: letting the world down

I feel hungover. Australia won, New Zealand lost, and we're going to the Island.

It was a big day yesterday.

As far as the Sportsfreak tipping contest is going, I'm quite disappointed. I'm currently in fourth spot, not bad out of 12, but I only have 12 points, where as Herr Q is on 19.

I might have been singing his praises yesterday but that's all over now.

It's war.

When I can get the leaderboard to copy and paste I'll stick it here, until then, view it here. And while you're there, check the rest of the site out.

I'm very disappointed about New Zealand. They sort of really should have won that match, kind of like yeah, huh?

You know you've got problems when England are beating you.

Big problems too.

Someone needs to take a sledgehammer to Michael Vaughan's knee, then New Zealand should be ok. Actually if someone does take a sledgehammer to Vaughan's knee, please also pay a visit to Stuart Broad. Nothing too mean, I suppose, just rearrange his face a bit so he's too insecure to ever be seen in public again.

That would make me happy.

It was a bit disappointing that the West Indies didn't win. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want them to, but it would have been cool if they did, because they were doing well and it's nice to see an underdog (except England) do well.

Plus it does work for us when we then defeat a country like South Africa or England. Then we can say "haha the West Indies beat us but you didn't, you're crappier than the West Indies".

Very mature. You could also use such information to rub it in to the Kiwis, as such... if the West Indies beat Australia and Australia beat England and England beat you, that makes you, well, REALLY crap.

They'd love it!

Although, if Australia had lost without Michael Clarke in the side, well, things would have been said, and those sort of things would make me feel quite ill. Like that we need him or something. No, thank you.

So apart from New Zealand letting everyone down, I guess all is right with the world. Somehow.

Here's a photo for all the women who are into hurt/comfort.
His cuticles look better than mine. Funny.

I did a Facebook quiz that tells you which fielder you are. I'm not a very good fielder. It told me I am Monty Panesar. I agree he's pretty lousy, but surely they could have allocated me a different country's worst fielder. I guess Facebook knows these things too.

Monday, May 26, 2008

We're going to the Island!

Originally from Well Pitched*:

Following the successful launch of the Allen Stanford University for Cricket Bloggers in collaboration with Uncle J Rod of Cricket with Balls, Well Pitched is proud to present The Cricket Bloggers' Island, this time with support from, well, me.

Miss Field has already started raising funds by requesting the bloggers to pledge an amount towards the cost of the Island - US$ 25-30 million.

(Suave very generously opened his chequebook first with an amazing 45 pence donation, however on checking with the accountants we may need a little bit more funraising. Lamington drive, anyone?)

She has also talked about the Island having its own cricket stadium, cricket team, awards nights.

A great start that, but we needed something more. Something for the bloggers, the inhabitants of the island, to do. A job that would help them survive on the Island.

Thus, here are the jobs that Miss Field and I have found for all of you.

Uncle J Rod will be the Island's cable operator. Entertainment for all will be garanteed. Sexplicit stuff, cricket, lots of Natalie Portman, the cricket with balls TV show, the podcast video and so on. Lots of movies too directed by Uncle J himself.

AYALAC will be the mysterious milkman delivering the white bottles to your doorstep everyday. He will live in his own farm on one corner of the Island herding 1000s of cows. He will spend his nights crawling up the Island's streets taking pictures of bums and posting them on the internet the next day. The mysterious milkman.

Suave will run his own chain of butchery shops supplying the Island with their favorite meats. For a change he won't be butchering the England cricket team and will be content with running those sharp knives across chickens and goats and cows. The cows will be stolen from AYALAC's farm.

The chickens and goats and sheep will be procured from Sportsfreak's farm at the Island. Sportsfreak will be the sole supplier of all meat to Suave and eventually the inhabitants.

Leg Break, Sportsfreak's twin brother, will run the chain of grocery stores hence creating a monopoly of sorts over the food and drink supplies for the Island's inhabitants.

David Barry will serve as the only teacher on the Island educating kids and adults on history and mathematics and statistics and general knowledge. He will ensure that every kid on the Island leaves for the real world a smarter man, e.g. the cricket bloggers' son who became CEO of Oceanic Airlines.

Miriam will be the Island's notary, of Justice of the Peace, who'll double as a Magistrate. She will have to keep her cats away though as we don't want them eating away all the fish, which will be our primary source of food besides Suave's butchered products.

Straight Point, Som, Trideep, and Wasim will be the fishermen catching fish by the bulk for the entire Island. Their economical supplies of fish of all kind for the inhabitants will disturb Suave's butchery business but magistrate Miriam will ensure justice for all parties.

Mike and Ben will provide all the equipment for the fishing - the boats, the rods, the nets, the worms, the hooks, and all the works.

King Cricket will be the hermit who lives on the other side of the Island and doesn't talk to anyone. He runs his own secret business and is self sufficient and non-contributory to the Island's economy.

Martyd will run the art gallery complete with paintings of the Island's scenic locations and waters and mountains.

Naked Cricket and DS Henry will run their book stores selling to the literary types at the Island.

Arjwiz will be DB's best student that all the Island's moms will compare their kids to.

Soulberry will be the retired uncle who always has a kind word or 2 for everyone. He will be the one who everyone invites over for tea and listens to old stories about the Island's history and how we have come this far.

Nestaquin will be the Island's political leader, while Ottayan will run the Island's only newspaper questioning everything that goes on. Nesta and Ott will have this unholy alliance whereby each news article in the paper will ensure that the former stays in rule.

John will make a late entry into the Island to sue Ottayan for copyright violations for using "The Island Express" as the name for his newspaper. John will make a killing from the law suit and open his own publishing house launching the the Island's 2nd newspaper.

Chinaman will be the Island's doctor operating the only hospital / clinic in the place.
Homer will operate the Island's transport service - taxis, buses, trains, trams - all will be under his control. He will hire bus conductors from Northern India and give franchise licenses for other transport services to businessmen from Mumbai.

Miss Field will be the Island's nurse taking care of every soul along with Awmyth. Miss Field will also be the sole owner of the Island's cricket ground that will hold one test match per year. She will also be responsible for selecting the Island's cricket team. At the annual awards shows that she suggested, Miss Field will ofcourse play host.

We at Well Pitched will be the Island's police force, the keeper of the peace, attending all scuffles, ensuring that the love is free flowing.

Before Miriam, we will make sure that Suave's business is not hurt by the fishermen and that he doesn't steal too many cows from AYALAC. We will also ensure that Uncle J doesn't transmit sexplicit stuff in between cartoons for the kids.

We will make sure that we serve all of you and keep working towards your best interests and that of the Island.

Cricket Bloggers. Welcome to your Island.

You may pledge your contribution here or over at Well Pitched.

*In fact, I'd go as far as to say stolen from Well Pitched.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

See how they run

Excellent cricket is happening in the West Indies. And I am not there to see it. Woe. I wish I could survive on two hours sleep, so I could watch it.

At stumps on Day 3 Australia was leading by 136 with 6 wickets remaining. More to the point, we lost four wickets for 17 runs. That's awesome, go the West Indies!

A Brett Lee bouncer hit Shivnarine Chanderpaul in the back of the head and he collapsed in an unconscious heap like a heap of straw.

But then the fella got up, shook his concussion off and went on to score a century. Amazing!

I think there's a lesson for young Danny Flynn here! Concussion is for sooks. That's a joke, by the way.

Anyhoo, after Brett Lee knocked Mr Chanderpaul out stone cold I realised that should I ever win a competition where I get to face an over in the nets from Brett, all I'd have to do is pretend to be unconscious and there'd he'd be, hovering over me, full of concern.

Because naturally he would bowl a 130 kph bouncer to me.

Actually I've always said if I ever won one of those competitions, I'd give the prize to someone else. Or maybe just ask if we could have a cup of tea instead of an over in the nets. Maybe he could just stand in front of a brick wall and I could stare at him for ten minutes. Highly satisfactory alternatives.

Over in England, well, it's so frigging typical that the one and only time I tip England it looks like New Zealand will win. ARGH!!

I thought it was hilarious that David Lloyd was accusing Brendon McCullum of cheating by running across the pitch. What a clown.

He certainly got told. Ian Smith wasn't having a bar of it, and I agree, talk about clutching at straws. How 'bout your team pulls their collective finger out, stops asking the druids to conjure up cloud cover, stop praying to Jupiter for rain, stop believing that three runs in seven overs (or whatever it was) is good enough, and just damn well do it. It's not that difficult. This chap'll show you how it's done...

Daniel Vettori and Darrell Hair auditioning for the cricket world's version of Saturday Night Fever.

Oh baby!

The despair. The heartbreak.

Is that Luke Ronchi on the phone?

Saturday, May 24, 2008

"Forget the Oz Open, get the VB open"

As we all know the Australians are playing in the West Indies at the moment.

It's nice to see the traditional gear as opposed to the gaud of the IPL and the glare of England's new outfits.

But seeing VB advertised on their shirts is disappointing.

Don't get me wrong, I like VB and as far as alcohol goes I drink just about anything.

However a big fuss has been made of late about binge drinking in this country - apparently it's 'out of control'.

As a result, the government has stuck a significant tax on lolly water drinks, Cruisers, Breezers, Ruskis, you know the ones.

But surely curbing the advertising, promotion and sponsorships for and of alcohol would be a more logical first step.

Is it cool to drink? Yes, but once upon a time it was cool to smoke. Not so anymore (at least in this country).

And whether or not we like it, I think that eventually the same bans will be implemented on alcohol advertising. I know, I love the Bundy Rum and Wolf Blass ads too.

So if we remove the advertising maybe it would have some impact, rather than just taxing the crap out of it.

Even if binge drinking wasn't spiralling upwards, I think this sort of promotion only encourages that sort of behaviour, which only contributes to such long term problems anyway.

After all, cigarette companies aren't allowed to sponsor or advertise, and for damn good reasons too. But ultimately those reasons and these reasons are the same.

As I said before, I like VB. And I lurve my talking Boony (itself a controversial promotion). But it's just not a good look.

The VB Dance - Brett was the V but Morton didn't want to play.

Ricky Ponting's ultimate new accessory

And no, not his new hair.

My mum was watching the cricket at 4 this morning and made this observation:

Ricky Ponting is wearing a new hat.

I'm not talking about those blue things, I'm talking about the real deal.

Ricky Ponting has a new Baggy Green.

Check it out...

Oh look, holding a trophy. Another one for the cabinet.


Shiny and new.

I wonder where his old one is. I would quite like to have it.

EDIT: Stuart MacGill's also looks pretty new. But I think maybe it just hasn't been worn much.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Why you should give me all your money

Earlier in the week it was mentioned that Shane Warne would make a Test cricket return if he was required.

While I don't doubt that firstly it was meant very lightly and secondly that he still meant it, I find it a highly unlikely prospect, although it would be quite cool.

Unless he dropped a catch on the fifth day of the deciding Test and lost us the series.

Then I would be joining the queue of angry pitchforkers keen to distribute his limbs across continents.

And imagine if he was dreadful. That would make it very funny for all the wrong reasons. Hilarious though. A grand comeback falling flat, especially as it's Warney. Would it fall flat though? I don't think we'll ever know.

"The English cricketers wouldn't know whether to laugh or cry if they knew that Shane Warne was to return for the next Ashes series," said a Channel 7 reporter. It's so true. Funny shit.

Aaaaanyway, a few days ago I was chatting to Herr Q of Well Pitched about Dubai, and we agreed (well I suggested and he agreed - just how it should be too) that the cricket blogging community should purchase one of the Dubai World islands and inhibit* it.

We could build a cricket stadium and hold one Test match a year there, sure to begin it may be Italy vs Japan, but soon we'd draw in the big names. One match means it's elusive, and therefore enviable.

And we can have our own awards nights, all the big names would surely be there.

I'd say our own team but, well, I figure if you lot could play professionally you would, instead of just writing about it.

Now, as we were discussing the unlimited number of talented players pouring out of Australia (his words, sort of) I think it would be prudent to make Blogland one of the Australian states.

Western Australia. Or maybe, just for the hell of it, Svalbard. I'm sure Norway have a lot to offer the world of cricket, especially the Svalbardians.

Basically, we'd be successful, elusive yet sought after. And pretty much, that's what I want from life.

The islands only cost $25 - $30 million. Who wants to be the first to pledge?

EDIT: *inhabit. Doot doot doot...

Ricky Ponting does something

According to the ABC... "The Western Australian Cricket Association (WACA) has denied reports that Pakistani batsman Younis Khan will play for the Warriors next season."


Apparently he's been cleared by the Pakistan Cricket Board to play, but the WACA are denying all knowledge.

Sure it would be kind of cool to have an overseas player, but I can't imagine we're short of players talented enough to make the team?

There's always Oomby Dave, who, only this week, took five wickets in one over and made 25 runs. Well done Oomby Dave.

Anyway, this is a mere bagatelle compared to the real news of the day...

Ricky Ponting owned the West Indies in the first Test match in Jamaica.

To this I say... yaaaay!!!

He scored 158, which is nothing to be sniffed at, even if you are the leader of the Liberals in WA.

At the end of Day 1 we're 4 for 301. And I'm sure all Victorians will be thrilled with Brad Hodge's decent 53 off 105, which makes Michael Hussey's 56 off 146 look disappointing, and he (Hodgey) is still in. Amazing.

So it's all looking good. Shame really, because I just heard on news that Michael Clarke is on his way out there to join the team.

Yay. (This is a different sort of yay to the other yay. Just in case you couldn't tell.)

As you can see by the above photograph, it's a rather rainy day in sunny Perth today. Although, this photo doesn't depict it very well because it stopped raining when I took the photograph and the sun came out. Even so, I wish I was in Jamaica.

I will go to a Test match in the West Indies in my lifetime.

I will, damn it.

Back to our Ricky. I really hope that this is it for him and he can put his crappy summer season behind him. His summer was as crappy as our winter is promising to be...

After all, we need to him to lead us to another five-nil whitewash next year, which is something I look forward to more every day.

He's stylish, he's talented, he's everything we need and so much more.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

True lies

Today is a happy day.

Today I was offered a kick-arse job.

Today I resigned from my current job.

Today I saw the new Indiana Jones film (did I mention I saw Prince Caspian three weeks in advance of its release, yes yes it's true, and it gave me a brilliant idea, you'll see).

To celebrate my happiness (it's slowly creeping back - now you're at home) I am going to make some declarations that I wouldn't on most days. I guess some of them are straight out lies, but here we go nonetheless...

Does not use Botox.




Not a traitor.

Not a rudderless hippie with a hunting knife strapped to his shin.

I love rangas.


His own children.

Has hope.



Really, rangas are great.

Not entering a sham marriage, straight and in love.

Not Fiyero.

Also male.

Not Brett Lee.


Sunday, May 18, 2008

Blue... VB... headwear... nooo...

What the hell? Blue peak caps? We're not England!

But apparently it's not all about advertising. It's because Brad Haddin doesn't have a Baggy Green as yet and they were concerned about uniformity.

Who do they think they're kidding? This is a very lame excuse and just doesn't cut it.

If they're worried about uniformity, why didn't they all wear their wide-brimmed white hats? They look good and those hats are way better for sun protection anyway.

And if Brad Haddin is going to play Test matches, just give him the damn Baggy Green, losing the pomp and circumstance is a damn sight better than this alternative.

Those Baggy Greens are a defining point for that team, look at them lined up in those next to the Poms in their Vodafone hats, and we all know who looks the part.

How embarrassing.

VERY disa-ponting.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Tipping yes for humiliation

My good friend Leg Break (who is yet to be allocated a daemon) has begun a tipping contest for the England/New Zealand series, over at Sportsfreak.

It's well worth a look, if for no other reason than to see me make a fool of myself.

These are the specific questions for each test match.

1. Result.

2. Session the test finishes on.

3. England top run scorer for the match

4. NZ top run scorer for the match

5. Who will bowl the most overs?

6. What will the winner of the toss do?

7. Second to Sidebottom, who will get the most wickets in the test?

8. Which non-keeper will take the most catches?

9. What will Brendon McCullum's strike rate be for the match?

10. Man of the match.

If anyone would like to offer suggestions I would be happy to hear them. I need all the help I can get. I've already submitted my tips for the first Test, but even so, I'm bound to be on about -8 after the match. As it is I'm on -1 before the tour's properly started.


Teams/Players Points
Mike from Mike on Cricket 1
King Cricket 1
Well Pitched 1
Sportsfreak 0
Cricket Action Art 0
Cricket With Balls 0
The Silly Point 0
Beer and Sport 0
Sport Review NZ 0
Republique Cricket -1
Ben from Mike on Cricket -1
Miss Field -1

Kia Ora bro

That there exists this picture of Ross Taylor on cricinfo as his profile photo is deserving of a post of its own.
During the 2007 Australia/England/New Zealand ODI tri-series I was watching an Australia/New Zealand match from a gorgeous holiday house in Dunsborough.


Anyway. At this time I got an SMS from my mother claiming that young Ross looks like Ioan Gruffudd, aka Horatio Hornblower. This prompted a 'hmmm, are you sure??' reply from me.

A few minutes later her response read "Aha. Have put my glasses on. He is a bro!"

Not even ow. Go New Zealand!!

Monday, May 12, 2008

And then she rose out of the ashes...

Today is my birthday. I haven't aged a day? You're too kind.

Here is my last birthday cake, which I am particularly proud of...
While I will do my best to refrain from making too many references to hobbits and magic rings, I have decided to dedicate a birthday post to, well, me. Precious.

A little indulgence, a little 'crazy fangirl', something just a tiny bit out of the ordinary... (no arguments, thank you, it's my birthday not yours)

I'm rather disappointed about the low resolution. No justice done at all. Still, here is my blog-birthday present to me.

Made during the last World Cup final, by my dear friend Peggs McGrath...

"That's right, I am very sexy."

Taduh. Now, if you would like to contribute to my birthday post, please email any photos or links to and I shall upload them here. Appropriate ones, thanks. There will be no Harbhajan Singh on this birthday post! And if any of you have spotted that photo of MV on, well I don't want that one either. Hmph.

Now don't forget to put it in the diary/Blackberry/other for next year. May 12. And then go out and celebrate me. And toast the Australian cricket team.

EDIT: Beautiful art from Sasha...

and The Atheist...
which I will treasure. Anonymous also sent a very recent photo of Ricky Ponting.
Annnnnd check out this masterpiece from Julie, currently also residing as my desktop wallpaper...
Thanks y'all!


Saturday, May 10, 2008

This is not a pipe

Well I'm pleased.

Until Michael Clarke rocks into the West Indies the (second) main man is......

A West Australian! And a real one, one who stayed.

In other good news for, well me, Brad Hodge the Attractive is replacing Michael Clarke the Weed.

Roll on Jamaica!

I'm promoting Michael Hussey to the status of King. Which technically, according to me at least, makes him King Cricket. I'd Paint (yes Paint) a crown on him but a certain other blogger may sue me for stealing his idea (or whatever that is in lawyery words, or at least not quite so late words (look I'm tired, it's been a long day.))... there are lawyers out there, you know.

But here he is, none the less.
Actually, in case you're not as perceptive as I am, it isn't Michael Hussey. Not that one at least. But this is what Google images gave me so it's while you're damn well getting you ungrateful little shits.

His eyebrows are better manicured than mine. I'm not sure who that's insulting.

Maybe it's a woman with REALLY badly managed PCOS.

Actually he's in the Most Wanted List for California, so keep your eyes peeled.

Ah shut up.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Thoughts from the trenches

Today I had the good fortune to meet the Deputy Prime Minister.

Now, I only work for a small news organisation, and yes there was a bit of shoving and pushing involving Channel 9 and ABC camera crews.

However, one of her media people did ask me if I had anything I wanted to ask her, so I thought on my feet and enquired whether she believes that Ricky Ponting will still be Australia's captain for the next Ashes tour.

Actually, an excellent suggestion has been made on this very blog - that Ricky Ponting be installed as President of Myanmar. Now I can see the merits in this, but only if his cricket career really is over. Which I'm quite confident it isn't.

And Brad Haddin's all grown up now and all, they interviewed him on the news and he had opinions and it almost brought a tear to the eye I tell ya. What was he bangin on about? Oh yes, whether HawkEye should be involved in official cricket decisions.

He thought not. I think it's worth a try. The three appeals thing or whatever it is. If it's crap, dump it! Good philosphy for most things really. Anyway, is Braddles captain/vice captain material?

I came across a picture of Andrew Flintoff leaving court and my respect did diminish a bit (at LAST!) because he doesn't look like the manly man he does on field. He looks like a soccer player! And check out the sunnies. Yuck.

He has been 'cleared of speeding on a technicality'... isn't that law speak for 'he had the money to buy representation good enough to get him out of it'?.

I wonder how you can get out of speeding on a technicality. Personally I abhor speeding, so let's hope it's a lesson learnt (cos shit if you end up in court over it you must really have been speeding)... yeah, right eh?

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I took my love down to Violet Hill.

I was gone for five minutes and see what happens!

Jrod's starting* a friggin empire, The Atheist has a correspondent in the Caribbean, Q's become my Facebook friend and Suave's turned into a green tooth!

Anyway, as reported on AYALAC, the dates for Australian tour of England are out and proud. (I might be there. Happy thought indeed - except for the prospect of getting abused at The Oval. Maybe not mmm.)

My theory is that the reason there are seven one dayers is because it's the only variation of the sport that England have a hope in Hades of winning. I'm not suggesting we will win five-nil again (although what a thought! Remember the chant?) but I can't imagine England winning the Ashes back. They could win a one day series though. I said could!

Would anyone care to speculate as to whether Ricky Ponting will still be the captain for this tour? Personally I have my doubts. But as I think Michael Clarke is better suited to presenting Queer Eye for the Straight Guy than the cricket team, I propose a new selection process for the fight for the captaincy.

A Big Brother style contest of course. Now I actually believe Big Brother has less purpose on this planet than Paris Hilton (will that score me more hits? I don't want to be a Hilton hit-whore!), however I would tune in to see Michael Hussey and Brett Lee engage in intellectual debate as to who is more deserving of the role.

And naturally we the viewers get to vote each player out. During the day, instead of participating in the usual sort of activities the Big Brother contestants play, like pretending to be as clever as a piece of furnitire (I've heard some of them have had nervous breakdowns over that one, poor loves), they can train, because we want them to be as fit and competitive as ever, but at night they will prove their worth in other ways.

The last man standing will be the captain. Now, would Michael Clarke be the last man standing? Would Australians vote for him? I have a sinking feeling they would. I'm not sure where my vote rests. I'm inclined to say Brett Lee, but part of me says it would just be too wrong.

But yes, we're definitely now on the road to the Ashes 2009. And it goes to show where cricket priorities lie. I spent ages today trying to find the schedule for the South African tour of Australia later this year but from what I can gather nothing has actually been planned as yet! Come on people, wake up, some of us have plans to make. Sheesh.

So, if anyone has seen or heard from it, please contact CrimeStoppers on 1800 333 000.

Er. Is anyone still watching the IPL?

Finally, and way off subject, if you have a spare ten pounds thirty dollars thousand rupees fifteen euros, might you consider this...

EDIT: *building. He's right, the foundations were constructed long ago.