Monday, May 26, 2008

We're going to the Island!

Originally from Well Pitched*:

Following the successful launch of the Allen Stanford University for Cricket Bloggers in collaboration with Uncle J Rod of Cricket with Balls, Well Pitched is proud to present The Cricket Bloggers' Island, this time with support from, well, me.

Miss Field has already started raising funds by requesting the bloggers to pledge an amount towards the cost of the Island - US$ 25-30 million.

(Suave very generously opened his chequebook first with an amazing 45 pence donation, however on checking with the accountants we may need a little bit more funraising. Lamington drive, anyone?)

She has also talked about the Island having its own cricket stadium, cricket team, awards nights.

A great start that, but we needed something more. Something for the bloggers, the inhabitants of the island, to do. A job that would help them survive on the Island.

Thus, here are the jobs that Miss Field and I have found for all of you.

Uncle J Rod will be the Island's cable operator. Entertainment for all will be garanteed. Sexplicit stuff, cricket, lots of Natalie Portman, the cricket with balls TV show, the podcast video and so on. Lots of movies too directed by Uncle J himself.

AYALAC will be the mysterious milkman delivering the white bottles to your doorstep everyday. He will live in his own farm on one corner of the Island herding 1000s of cows. He will spend his nights crawling up the Island's streets taking pictures of bums and posting them on the internet the next day. The mysterious milkman.

Suave will run his own chain of butchery shops supplying the Island with their favorite meats. For a change he won't be butchering the England cricket team and will be content with running those sharp knives across chickens and goats and cows. The cows will be stolen from AYALAC's farm.

The chickens and goats and sheep will be procured from Sportsfreak's farm at the Island. Sportsfreak will be the sole supplier of all meat to Suave and eventually the inhabitants.

Leg Break, Sportsfreak's twin brother, will run the chain of grocery stores hence creating a monopoly of sorts over the food and drink supplies for the Island's inhabitants.

David Barry will serve as the only teacher on the Island educating kids and adults on history and mathematics and statistics and general knowledge. He will ensure that every kid on the Island leaves for the real world a smarter man, e.g. the cricket bloggers' son who became CEO of Oceanic Airlines.

Miriam will be the Island's notary, of Justice of the Peace, who'll double as a Magistrate. She will have to keep her cats away though as we don't want them eating away all the fish, which will be our primary source of food besides Suave's butchered products.

Straight Point, Som, Trideep, and Wasim will be the fishermen catching fish by the bulk for the entire Island. Their economical supplies of fish of all kind for the inhabitants will disturb Suave's butchery business but magistrate Miriam will ensure justice for all parties.

Mike and Ben will provide all the equipment for the fishing - the boats, the rods, the nets, the worms, the hooks, and all the works.

King Cricket will be the hermit who lives on the other side of the Island and doesn't talk to anyone. He runs his own secret business and is self sufficient and non-contributory to the Island's economy.

Martyd will run the art gallery complete with paintings of the Island's scenic locations and waters and mountains.

Naked Cricket and DS Henry will run their book stores selling to the literary types at the Island.

Arjwiz will be DB's best student that all the Island's moms will compare their kids to.

Soulberry will be the retired uncle who always has a kind word or 2 for everyone. He will be the one who everyone invites over for tea and listens to old stories about the Island's history and how we have come this far.

Nestaquin will be the Island's political leader, while Ottayan will run the Island's only newspaper questioning everything that goes on. Nesta and Ott will have this unholy alliance whereby each news article in the paper will ensure that the former stays in rule.

John will make a late entry into the Island to sue Ottayan for copyright violations for using "The Island Express" as the name for his newspaper. John will make a killing from the law suit and open his own publishing house launching the the Island's 2nd newspaper.

Chinaman will be the Island's doctor operating the only hospital / clinic in the place.
Homer will operate the Island's transport service - taxis, buses, trains, trams - all will be under his control. He will hire bus conductors from Northern India and give franchise licenses for other transport services to businessmen from Mumbai.

Miss Field will be the Island's nurse taking care of every soul along with Awmyth. Miss Field will also be the sole owner of the Island's cricket ground that will hold one test match per year. She will also be responsible for selecting the Island's cricket team. At the annual awards shows that she suggested, Miss Field will ofcourse play host.

We at Well Pitched will be the Island's police force, the keeper of the peace, attending all scuffles, ensuring that the love is free flowing.

Before Miriam, we will make sure that Suave's business is not hurt by the fishermen and that he doesn't steal too many cows from AYALAC. We will also ensure that Uncle J doesn't transmit sexplicit stuff in between cartoons for the kids.

We will make sure that we serve all of you and keep working towards your best interests and that of the Island.

Cricket Bloggers. Welcome to your Island.

You may pledge your contribution here or over at Well Pitched.

*In fact, I'd go as far as to say stolen from Well Pitched.


Q said...

It is your creation as much as it is mine... leave the stealing to Suave ;-)

King Cricket said...

We're in, but we're self-hating, not self-sufficient.

Anonymous said...

I have £1.35, which is 80,259 Zimbabwean Dollars. I presume that when you say "The islands only cost $25 - $30 million", you mean ZWD?

The Atheist said...

Suave, be warned, I'm from the West Country. I'm armed.

Keep off my farm!

Leg Break said...

You wouldn’t want me anywhere near your Pom-infested island with the mood I’m in today MF.

Som said...

Hi, me a fellow blogger islander. Adding you to my blogroll, mind adding mine?

©hinaman said...

I see I am not invited on the island.
Oh well.

What do you think of this,
a cricket ball boldly going where no cricket ball has gone before?
Would you consider joining?

Miss Field said...

LB, I suppose you can be the Pom culler, when the feral population gets too high, would that suit?

Certainly Som!

Check again Chinaman, although we used your real name, I will alter that. I have joined the sitering, a good idea sir.

Leg Break said...

I don’t necessarily want to cull the Poms; a severe muzzling should do the trick.

Of course I could flog them as well, but they’d probably enjoy that too much.

Miss Field said...

I think so.

A mulesing, maybe.

Ottayan said...

Are you sure it will not turn out to be an 'Animal farm"?

Wasim said...

The prices of the fishes, shrimps and crabs are going to be increased by 15% with effect from now, the inevitable price hike is due to the increase in gas prices, general inflation.