Friday, June 27, 2008

KP speaks (and thinks)

"I'm humbled (what means this?) to have been handed the England one-day captaincy in Paul Collingwood's absence for the final game at Lord's.

"Captaining England has been a dream of mine (look at them buying this bullshit) but I also understand that I'm assuming the role in Paul's absence as he is the captain and leader of the one-day side (until I can think of another way, seeing as I'm second-in-line now).

"To be asked to captain your country (get me a bucket) is the ultimate honour in sport and I feel privileged and proud to have been asked to lead the side on Saturday (and they'd better not fuck it up, the fuckers, I'll kill them).

"I'm very much looking forward to leading the team against New Zealand (I wonder if they need a captain?) and am excited by the challenge of captaining such a young and talented (talent? HAHAHA. I am England) side.

"We can't win this series but I, like the rest of the dressing room (the dressing room has expectations? Who wrote this drivel? I suppose its intellectual capacity is greater than Paul's, and the rest), expect an outstanding England performance to finish the series on a high (so Ryan will be aiming for concussions at the minimum and I will be encompassing interpretive dance as a prelude to switch-hitting)."

19 comments:

profernity said...

"(Haha, I am England)".

If KP thinks he's English cricket, then should NZ put Jesse Ryder in as captain for the 5th ODI?

Miss Field said...

Hell yes! I'd love to see those two in a lightsabre duel. Or a fistfight, whatever's going.

Rusty said...

Spot on, Miss,

What a wanker! Just when I was beginning to like him.

No more 'KP'. It's back to 'Figjam'

Miss Field said...

Yeah, I suspect he didn't say any of this, rather he was just quoted it in a written statement because honestly, could you imagine these words coming out of his mouth? I think not.

rusty said...

N;, but thenhe shouldn't allow them to be attributed to him - they sound so insincere.

but what if he really DID say them? Gawd!

Jrod said...

What he should have said is thank you for letting me captain your nation, houhahahahaha.

Leg Break said...

Back to future.

Not since the halcyon days of Douglas Jardine has England had a captain so alienated from his subjects.


(Well apart from the Tony Greig ear I guess)

Straight Point said...

hen wanted to captain england side since he was born as saffer...

David Barry said...

I feel like my usual thing of leaving a 'KP is a legend' on any blog posts critical of the man is getting old. I think so, at least, even if no-one else is paying attention to me.

Pietersen is aggressive and assertive. Those under him will follow. He'll make a good leader - being decisive, and being generally intelligent on the cricket field. If necessary, he'll be willing to force those stalemates that the commentators always hate but I love to watch.

I hope he becomes England's regular Test captain one day.

rusty said...

Now, dear me, David Barry,

if your description of Figjam don't sound like old Punter! And i bet you think the HE is a tosser.

Not that Ponting would ever be so obsequious to the press.

Miss Field said...

I actually agree David, I think he possesses characteristics that English cricket is desperately lacking (a drive to win - who'd have thought such a characteristic would be so elusive to an entire nation?).

I just saw a great opportunity to take the piss. Because c'mon, he meant about three of those words, and they were all articles.

David Barry said...

he meant about three of those words, and they were all articles.
That's funny.

Rusty, I think that KP will be a better captain than Ponting. That's not saying much - I sometimes wonder if a random number generator would be better at bowling changes than Ponting.

KP does share some of the superficially dislikable traits of Punter though.

rusty said...

David Barry

but you think that Figjam is deep down a sweetie? unlike Punter?! I bet your bottom dollar Ponting is far more popular with own his team than Figgie is.

And as to whether he's a better captain than P. well, if and when England can start stringing some wins together, for months, years even, not just the occasional (after which you're all so overcome with yourselves at your own brilliance that you forget you actually have to play to win), then maybe you won't just be whistling to the wind.

We all like to 'think' we can do better in our imaginations.

allpaddedup.com said...

worth of KP or figgie, as he seems to be popularly known here, can be determined only after a few matches..

but then hell, who cares, how many english captains have really made a difference to the side and to cricket otherwise..

The Atheist said...

You have to admit, this modesty is better than Vaughan's modesty.

Michael had something to be modest about.

Som said...

KP thinks! that's a scoop you have!

Rob said...

"To be asked to captain your country..."

...or even someone else's. It should be fun if he captains against Smith the crab.

Wicket Maiden said...

"Look, it's your nation, not mine"

Miss Field said...

Touche Wicket Maiden... bahahahahaha.