Monday, August 25, 2008

On a slightly different note...

...I just had to share this with y'll. I bolded my favourite bits. Hooray for sport.

Gloating British celebrate rare success

After 20 years of Olympic humiliation, the British have celebrated beating Australia's gold medal tally with all the restraint and good taste that you'd expect.

Tabloid UK newspaper The Sun hired tray-top trucks in both Sydney and London that were mounted with giant signs comparing Britain's (19) and Australia's (14) gold medal counts and driven around the respective cities.

Emblazoned across a Union Jack background was the question "Where the bloody hell were you?", referencing the Lara Bingle-led tourism ad campaign.

The signs also hint at Australia's relative "failure" in cycling, rowing and other sports in which the contestants sit down — events with obvious appeal to the British and where they accumulated the bulk of their gold.

The Sun even scoured London for an Australian called Bruce, finally cornering 48-year-old Bruce Howes in what they termed a "posh Kensington High Street" and confronting him with the rare defeat.

"We'll get you next time," he warned.

British expat Suzie O'Carroll, who forwarded a mobile phone photo of the truck driving along George St this morning to ninemsn, said she thought the Sun had been "pretty darn quick" in setting up the prank.

"I've heard that the bookies are offering odds of 4/7 on Britain getting more medals next time and the same odds of us beating Australia," she said.

"I'm sure the Aussies will pour everything into avoid that, but I think the GB will still come out on top."

Asked if she might rub in another victory for the motherland amongst Antipodean colleagues, Ms O'Carroll said: "Well, maybe just a little bit."

British excitement is understandable: it is the first time since the 1988 Seoul Olympics that the country has topped Australia's medal count.

The fervour has been further increased by the prospect of federal sports minister Kate Ellis wearing red, white and blue clothing to a sporting event involving the two countries as a result of a bet with her British equivalent Gerry Sutcliffe.

A spokesman for Ms Ellis said she had not yet decided when she would meet the obligation but "would be looking at the calendar in the coming months to see in which events the two nations clash".

Surely, as their population is three times ours, they should have collected three times as many gold medals? Logic? What is this logic?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

What's all this philosophy crap...?

Isn't it great when we see KP (or KCrap as I call him) getting his boys geared up for the upcoming Ashes series by saying that Australia is beatable in the form England is in at the moment. 9 months is a long way off fellas, remember it took less than a second for us Aussies to lose the Ashes in 05 when McGrath stepped on a ball conveniently placed there by Bell, he was so small we didn't even see him put it there!

Pietersen obviously full of himself will not hesitate to tell you how he wants to captain this holey ship called England. That's all well and good for the enemy, let them banter about their little strategies to overcome the mammoth run scoring machine called the Australian Batsmen, and the gargantuan wicket taking cyborg called the Australian Bowlers. All of it will come to no avail.

Which leads me to the point i'm laborously trying to get to.
Michael Clarke has come out recently and told us how he wants to captian the Aussie side. Talking abit about being positive blah blah blah. Now being a die hard Aussie fan I can't critisise him all that much but just to say, c'mon Pup, all you need to do is win. We don't care how you do it! Australians hate losing, especially to them unwashable english who suprisingly enough have an abundance of rain.

Anyhow the Full Tosser will be in Darwin for the last game of the series out there and I hope to hear Pup under his breath willing the team to "Win, win,win".

By the Full Tosser

Monday, August 11, 2008

Fare thee well

Last week a snap election was called here in WA.

You might be wondering why you care, and you probably don't, but for me in my current job, well, my feet haven't touched the ground since it was announced.

This does have relevance to cricket, because I had to cancel my trip to Darwin to see Australia play Bangladesh. The match was on the same day as the election. Dedicated, am I not?

It also means that posts, if any, will be few and far between.

So, if not before, I will be back after the election night hangover has subsided.

Go Australia! Boo England!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Blogroll this, kids

Jumping on the female cricket blogger bandwagon, say hello to Nightwatchgirl.

Her blog looks quite a bit like mine - but don't be fooled. She is English.

She touts her blog as being the Non-Expert Expert's Guide to the Greatest Game of All.

She's clearly displeased with the appointment of KP and is on the hunt for someone to captain England (I think my brother applied - a far better candidate).

She's pretty cool. For English.

Welcome to the indefatigable world of cricket blogging.

Shoosh y'all, Gilly speaks

There was a picture of Gilly in today's West Australian (look, I have to read it for work. I don't enjoy it).

Gilly thinks Twenty20 cricket should be introduced to the Olympics in, er, 2020.

"Cricket was part of the 1900 Olympics, when Great Britain beat France," he said.

Was that the last time Great Britain beat France at anything? Probably because they got to utilise the services of Irish, Scottish, Welsh players.

"I believe the Olympic Games is the vehicle the sport should use to aggressively sell the message of our sport to all 202 competing Olympic nations, so our sport is strong and robust in countries where it is currently played, and exciting and groundbreaking in countries who haven't yet caught the cricket bug."

I'm up for that, I'm sure Warney would still be an option, bring it on! Our lads can add Olympic gold medals to their mantles... they'll just have to nudge a little space between the urn and the world cup, plenty of room.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Don't pretend to be surprised, that's called denial

When I first saw a picture of a teary Michael Vaughan my first thought was that he'd realised how stupid his hair looked and was making an apology to the world. Then I realised what a foolish notion that was - as if he'd think his hair looked stupid.

So I see he's resigned. How shocking. Are you shocked? You shouldn't be. Denial is not just a river in Egypt (hilarious, I know). And now that I've been able to stop laughing at the resignation and apparent surprise, I can write about how Kevin Pietersen should be England's next captain.

If they want the Ashes back, he's their only hope.

So, they will pick Andrew Strauss.

When England won the Ashes in 2005, the good Poms went crazy for cricket. It was great to see.

But the soccer mob was not happy about it. They threatened the ECB, told them if they ever won an Ashes series again they would take their firstborn grandchild (because all the ECB are old) and spin the kid into gold for Australia's one day uniforms. And then hobble the entire cricket team.

The ECB did not want this to happen. They could handle losing the Ashes, but if there was no cricket team to play (because they had no feet), they couldn't even contest the Ashes, and then they would have no jobs. Bugger the grandkids.

If they'd really thought it through they'd have realised that the police would have caught on if every single player was mysteriously hobbled. But they didn't think about it.

So they installed Andrew Flintoff as captain. He didn't let them down. They lost five-nil.

But the public (especially the public who had spent not-so-small fortunes on getting to Australia to watch the series) were not happy, and Flintoff had to go. So they thought they'd get one up on the mob, and attempted to hobble him themselves. It didn't work, but it kept him sidelined for a while.

And then Vaughan returned from injury. England's favourite son, who would lead them to victory once more. Unfortunately, the selectors knew he was a liability if they were to keep their jobs and their teams' feet. So what did they do? They told Vaughan about the threat. And what did he do? He cried and ran away.

Plus he was rubbish. A mediocre-at-best player whose leadership skills made up for his lack of playing ability, who made promises he couldn't keep, saw poor performances as being acceptable and couldn't justify his arrogance with results.

So if you've ever wondered about dodgy selections, suspicious injuries or early retirements, now you know why.

In order to fail again, Strauss is their man. Not their only man, one of ten in fact.

I want KP to be the next captain because he's hot, and I for one would like to see that angsty power struggle of captains that would exist between he and Ricky Ponting/Graeme Smith/Daniel Vettori. Can you imagine Stuart Broad in such a fashion? I thought not.

Also, because he's the only one who really seems to have a winning attitude (and if you hadn't noticed, this lack of winning attitude is what annoys me about England the most, and in a supreme fashion). But, and for the same reason, I don't want him to be captain.

Hands off those Ashes. Flounder away.

This one's for you, Vaughany.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Newsflash

England captain's run total exceeds his IQ.