Dhoni stirs it up

Fancy being the captain of India?

Really?

Sure, rolling around in piles of cash would be fun, but who could be bothered with having 45 commandos following guarding you? You would feel a bit of a princess.

On Monday, MS Dhoni received a letter demanding 5 million ruppes or dire things would happen to his family.

Better watch out for those dire things.

Yesterday he got another letter saying that if he told the police they would blow up his house.

Sure you might think 'well actually that sounds like the letter I sent Ponting last week, underperforming little shit'.

But at least he did go to the police, don't you hate that in movies when the stupid characters decide to take the law into their own hands, making their situation irreperably worse and you then you think they deserved death/prison/some other horrible, preventable outcome?

The clincher here is that it was sent by some guy who's BFF with some other guy (Dawood Ibrahim), the clown who thought it would be a good idea to bomb Mumbai in 93 and ended up killing 250 people.

The underworld boss has eluded authorities for the past 15 years and is believed to be hiding in Pakistan.

By the 1980s and 1990s, he was one of Mumbai's top gangland leaders, with a billion-dollar vice empire spanning gambling, drugs and prostitution.

Yeah. I'd be shitting myself too.

So now he's got 45 commandos following him around and guarding his house. Maybe they can field while he practises batting.

Though none of this is new to him. He received death threats from Maoist rebels last year, and, unhappy with the security arrangements made for him, applied for his own security guards to carry more sophisticated weapons. So they ditched the slingshots. This year he's getting commandos.

I'd be quite tempted just to pay up. Maybe he's a bit short on cash. I'm sure Sachin's good for a loan.

But I just can't imagine anyone bothering here.

Dear Ricky Ponting,

I will destroy you unless you supply me with a year's worth of Swisse Ultivites.

No. Make that two year's.

OK?

Graeme

Incredible, insane India.