Thursday, January 1, 2009

That's a wrap

Let's have a look at the year that's been and recognise the achievements of those I love to write about, the dismal failures of others, and some memorable moments in between.

And the Oscar goes to...

Actor in a Supporting Role
Shaun Tait. When shit bowling translates to a nervous breakdown, Taity fled to the hills. I branded him cricket's Sally Robbins, which earnt me the following (edited) email from some psycho in Tasmania -
I think you have been EXTREMELY unfair about Shaun Tait. It's easy to talk when you see others come back from injury as it's the easiest thing in the world, but before you open your big fat gob again, figuratively speaking, then just admit that it rankles you when a woman gets criticised and so you want to even up with a bloke. Sorry, but you ain't gonna become a noted journalist this way.

I didn't know what he was on about either.

Visual Effects
Daniel Flynn. It was graceful, it was elegant, it was so realistic that if I didn't know how good post-production is these days I'd swear it actually happened.

Short Film
Anyone who puts Andrew Flintoff and Frank Gallagher in the same envelope is my hero. This film, by the lovely Atheist, was also nominated in the documentary category, for providing fantastic insight into why cricket is just so damn interesting.

Costume Design
The IPL, most specifically the Kolkata Knight Riders. Whoever imagined cricketers in sparkly gold pads and helmets was clearly out of their mind.

I think half my hits this year have been from men and women desperate for a glimpse of Alastair Cook in the buff (the other half - "Graeme Smith girlfriend" - dead set). Can't help you much there I'm afraid, though I delcare him a worthy winner of this award for his commitment to eye makeup. The industry thanks you, Ali, and so do I.

Oh go on then.

Actress in a Supporting Role
Michael Clarke. Just because.

Documentary Short
Can't look past another genius video blog from The Atheist, this one a tribute to the extraordinary Adam Gilchrist.

Documentary Feature
Goes to the arse-kick that Chinaman of The Silly Points served his critics, including some bastards who stole his website and the moderators at the BBC's 606 forum. Here's to standing up for yourself!

Art Direction
Andrew Symonds' hip-and-shoulder of a naked man. I heard the WAAPA interpretive dance students are studying it next semester. Thank you, Andrew. Thank you.

Music (Song)
So it's over 12 months old, but these are my awards and damn it I am running out of ideas.

Plus it's bloody funny.

Sound Editing
When Jrod launched his podcasts the world stood still. This is his third. I can't actually remember what was in it, but I commented on it so it must have been good. Unlike the 13th, 11th, 5th, which received no comments. That said, I'm sure they too are joyous.

Foreign Language Film
Unfortunately, like many 'foreign language' films, the footage of the winner in this category is not forthcoming. However, the award goes to Andrew Flintoff, on any given day. One day we will understand what this man has been saying. But not yet. Not yet.

It's just lucky that to appeal a wicket he only has to shout. Otherwise he'd be in big trouble.

In lieu of his pearls of wisdom, here is a photo of him leaving court.

Nice sunnies bro.

Film Editing
The Australian selectors win this for being shit. They all deserve to be fired and replaced by people who have some common sense (have I mentioned that there is, in fact, nothing whatsoever common about common sense?). As a matter of urgency they need to be given DVD copies of the fifth Test at the Oval in 05, copies of Vaughan's and Flintoff's biographies, and forced to live in one of the English enclaves near me. While they're away can someone remove the old black and white photos from the 1990s from their big oaky meeting room. Those days are gone. Replace them with photos of Vaughan hoisting the urn and Ponting crying. That'd give anyone nightmares, and might, just might, kick them into doing their job properly.

Actor in a Leading Role
Dark horse this one, but it's everyone's favourite South African, Kevin Pietersen. Sure, England have to recruit foreigners to be any good, but he is and he's had a decent year. I think he's a git as much as anyone else, but I think his captaincy is the best thing that has happened to English cricket in a while. And as an Aussie with an impending Ashes series and a team that's not up to scratch, that's rather unnerving.

The ads of the IPL were fabulous. Difficult to choose a winner, it kind of depended on what was available on youtube, as the IPL are precious bastards. Can't go much past this anyway... (though if I'd found some decent footage of slip fielders...)

Actress in a Leading Role
Michael Vaughan. Who could forget the tears shed by England's bemulleted captain as he stepped down. He looked like the ground was falling away beneath him, and in doing so brought raucous laughter to watchers of cricket the world over.

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
The super over to find a winner in the tied match between New Zealand and the West Indies last week. What the hell was that about? If you missed it, here it is. Also of note is that skipper Vettori was gifted a razor for Christmas.

Writing (Original Screenplay)
The decline of Australia this year. The first home series loss in 16 years. Losing two of the last three series for the first time in 18 years. Losing 2-0 to the number 2 and number 3 ranked teams. Winning only five out of 14 tests this year, four of which were against the bottom two teams (thanks, Q).

Had to find room for an Aussie somewhere and things have been thin on the ground for our cap'n of late. So this one goes to Shane Warne, for both captaining and coaching his IPL team, the Rajasthan Royals, to victory in the inaugural IPL. I don't care much for Twenty20 cricket, nor Shane Warne, but that's impressive. Most impressive.

Best Picture
Maybe it's because the most recent sticks in my mind, but who could go past the epic disaster Australia has suffered at the hands of the Saffers? They will be the ICC's number 1 ranked team before the summer is out. Congratulations South Africa, the Best Picture Oscar is yours. You're in good company with Titanic, Forrest Gump and Shakespeare in Love.

Happy New Year - thanks for reading.


The Atheist said...

Missy Field! I am most honoured! Two films! Wow! Too much really - although it's nice to know that there's two the lawyers haven't got. Hopefully, I'll have one

Have a great Sivesternacht!

Angus said...

Sorry, but you ain't gonna become a noted journalist this way.

Having worked as a journalist in Tasmania, this guy sounds like 95 per cent of my emails and messages on a Monday morning. Glad you're not taking it to heart!

Oomby Dave said...

Graeme Smith is Forrest Gump!!!!!

Miss Field, you need to track him down and force him to say: Life is like a box of chocolates.....

Rob said...

Happy New Year Miss Field. I look forward to your 2009 posts.

Jrod said...

I am so pissed, i bagged tait way ore than yo, i deserved the angry email.

great post.

miriam said...

Awesome post. Happy new year miss field!

Miss Field said...

Yes we have been waiting for the next one for some time now. Damn employment, we want viddy blogs. You too :)

Angus I thought it was funny. Though he went on and on and on. I just didn't get what made him think I was standing up for Sally Robbins by ripping Tait? Btw, to the mainland with you, sonny, saw your post on the Dark Knight, the Apple Isle doesn't deserve you!

You're in Sydney bro, you do it. Record it, post it here and I'll be famous.

Thank you Rob, happy New Year to you too.

Cheers Jrod, can forward him your email if you like.

Thanks Miriam, you too :)

©hinaman said...

Hi miss-field,
I missed this one.
Did anyone pickup the award on my behalf?

I would like to make my delayed thank you speech. So "thanks everyone who believed and supported Silly Points and me. And a special thanks to you MF - I find you still display my name on your sidebar".

If I may add, the two backstabbers went on to create their own forums and took away my members. Both their forums self-destructed within six months - with reports of similar disruptive behaviour.