With Mickey Arthur suing Cricket Australia and airing the family secrets, Australian cricket hasn’t been so scandalous since Shane Warne bought a mobile phone.
It’s a bit of a shame that it coincides with the second Test. How can we thank him for snitching when there’s an urn to be returned? You don’t make friends with salad, Mickey.
Now, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that I don’t like Michael Clarke.
If you were to ask me, I’d say he pretty much encapsulates everything that is wrong with the Australian side. In fact, without him, I believe they would be significantly more successful than they currently are.
Let’s have a look at the comments he made after the first Test. I have translated his words for the non-Australians out there.
"I need to get better." Everyone else needs to get better.
"Unfortunately if I had used my reviews better it would have helped our team.” It’s not my fault my team can’t bat unambiguously.
"I am not happy with my use of DRS but both teams are using it and England have used it better than I have.” That was a shit game.
“It is consistent for both teams.” I am the greatest.
"I'm going to concentrate on getting my referrals better.” Because my batting is so awesome.
"Sometimes you find out you did hit it, like in my case.” I didn’t hit it. Fuck you all.
“Other times you find out you were right.” I’m always right.
“That's how the game is and you learn to live with it.” My job is safe because I’m the golden boy of Cricket Australia.
"That's the way it goes with the DRS system.” Yeah, that’s right, I just said Decision Review System system.
“At the end of the day it was a great Test match." I want to saw your face off with a teaspoon.
I’m sure you’ll agree the problem here is not Shane Watson.
I’ve seen comments around the traps that if Australia had any hope of winning a match this series, it was the first Test. That ship has sailed but I stand by my prediction of a 2-1 series victory. Partly out of blind, misguided faith, partly... no it's probably all blind, misguided faith.
On balance the sides were fairly evenly matched, and with a few extra runs (I’m looking at you, skipper) we’ll be alright. I'd say Ed Cowan's on his last chance. England were solid but not brilliant. Australia didn’t lay down and die in the first, and they won’t for the rest of the series.
A lot hinges on the toss, and this too is probably Michael Clarke’s fault.
Onward to glory.
- ► 2009 (51)