Good luck Binga

Watching the last Test match against South Africa made me think... Brett Lee and Stuart Clark will have their work cut out for them getting back into this team.

Brett Lee has different ideas.

"I'm not embarrassed to say that I expect to lead the pace attack and take that brand new ball again for Australia," Lee told Cricinfo.

Sounds a bit too big for his boots. Like someone else we just managed to get rid of. It would be different if Australia had lost the first two Tests. But we didn't. Should a winning formula be changed? I don't think so. Does Mitchell Johnson secretly want to punch him? Perhaps.

Also, er, I bet Matt Hayden's feeling a bit small. Because if he had gone when he was supposed to (as decreed by me), well, let's just say there might not have been so much losing going on during the summer, eh?

Got fans?

These numbers are a few weeks old, but if you've ever wondered how the Facebook community rallies around certain players, wonder no more.

Kevin Pietersen - 6,689
Daniel Vettori - 1, 049
Ricky Ponting - 4,922
Dale Steyn - 1,587
Anil Kumble - 1,633
Andrew Flintoff - 4,496
Brian Lara - 11,429
AB De Villiers - 3,344
Sachin Tendulkar - 24,440
Michael Clarke - 2,183
Shivnarine Chanderpaul - 5,614
Mitchell Johnson - 3,854
Graeme Smith - 257

I saved the best until last. I'd say "let's all have a chuckle," except that in the interest of some sort of accuracy I decided to double-check.

In the five weeks since I compiled this list the dude has gained some 4,000 fans. Way to spoil my fun.

Genuine respect or the greatest Facebook stack of all time? You be the judge.

Allan Border Medal 2009

Michael Clarke and Ricky Ponting have tied to win the Allan Border Medal.

I can't believe that.

Actually I can.

Australian cricket has made so many poor choices over the last few months that nothing surprises me anymore.

It should have been Mitch. And not just because he looks good in boardies.

Nathan Bracken was the One Day player and Michael Clarke the Test player.

I want to know who Brett Lee turned up with. It was not me.

But Ponting? Ponting? He has lead us to so many critical defeats, he is jumping ship, he isn't accountable, he's not the Punter he used to be, and the clock is definitely ticking for him.

He should not have accepted it. He should have said "no way man, this isn't cool, I don't deserve this, I've played like shit." Don't encourage the man's mediocrity.

Who's living in the past? Oh, we are.

And Rianna Ponting is too, it would seem. She turned up in a toga.

Thanks to Moses for keeping me posted.

Series wrap - tell your friends

I have really enjoyed this Test series against the Saffers.

Yeah we lost, but to worthy adversaries. There were no heart-breaking flukes; they deserved to win. It's been competitive, tense, exciting, lots of other adjectives that are eluding me right now.

If anyone says Test cricket is dull, hand them a copy of the third Test (or any of them really) and say 'you're wrong, bucko'.

Johnson almost carried Australia at times. Smith shined for South Africa. Ponting nearly redeemed himself. Siddle nearly proved himself. Duminy earnt big-time respect. Hayden reaped scorn.

Representatives from both sides have said at different times that the series was played in good spirit, and I think that certainly showed.

Unlike this time last year.

South Africa you are welcome here anytime.

Incomprehensible bravery

I don't place a lot of value in bravery as a virtue.

I've never understood what was so desirable about being Sorted into Gryffindor.

Bravery implies choice. Choosing the path of heroism.

I'm not brave when it comes to daring feats of physical capability. In fact I think people who are often popularly perceived to be brave are actually just big fools.

If someone asked me to go and bat with a broken hand I would tell them to bugger off. I would guard my hand like The Precious. I might even hiss at them.

I guess that's because I'm rational, sensible and have a sense of self-preservation. Plus I don't like pain.

I didn't think for a second that Smith would bat today, by fate or choice. Seems neither did he.

"I didn't really expect to go out. Deep inside I didn't really want to get out there.

"I probably decided 25 overs out, 26 overs out (that I was going to bat).

"I arrived here without any kit and had some pants I'd shoved into my cricket bag to protect my bats.

"I stole a shirt off Jacques (Kallis) and a pullover off Harry (Paul Harris) that still had his hamburger stain on the front left side of it.

"I had Morne (Morkel) dressing me and putting my shoes on and pads.

"I decided I was going to give it a go and give it my best shot and if I got a first-baller or whatever at least I tried.

"Obviously there's a lot of pain. Once one ball hit the bat I thought 'okay, that's one out the way'.

"(I told myself) 'just keep watching the ball and hoping that it hits the bat the whole time'.

"It was about getting out there and doing the best you can."

Smith refused to use his injuries as an excuse for his dismissal.

"He probably would have got me if I had both arms available.

"It cut back off a crack (and) Mitchell has bowled superbly all series.

"I saw they were having a little group meeting just before that over and I was hoping that they were going to give the ball to someone else."

Although the phrase no sense, no feeling did flicker across my mind, trying to save the game for his team and for his country was brave. He was in tremendous pain, and although he's well practised at keeping a straight face, it did show a little. Yep, he's a Gryffindor.

I wondered though, if he could get his hand in the glove today, what was the hold up on Sunday? Broken is broken, I don't want to hear about his euphoric cloud of anaesthesia (unless I get a share). Maybe he enjoys the pain.

It was only when the champagne was being sprayed everywhere that he scampered like, well, me, clutching his newly re-cast arm. So not only is he a masochist, his priorities when it comes to alcohol are seriously screwed up.

When all's said and done though, it was an extraordinary and memorable sight to behold, and deserving of the standing ovation received. Crazy sure, and not something I'd do for love or money. But admirable too.

I remember an ad campaign for noodles or something, a year or two back, with the line "make pain your friend". To that I say no.

Guess that's why I'm not an elite athlete. And thank heavens for that.

Grayeme's Joernaal - day 30

This is sereously fucked up.

And I was doing so well today to.

no one has been brave enough to talk too me. at dinner no one said much at all. Jaqeus had to cut my dinner up. but the boys were all very suportive and no-one laughed.

the girl who xrayed my hand looked hot so i gave her my number. but i changed my mind because i realized that her eyes were to close together. wen she calls i will have to let her down.

mitchel Johnston will pay for this with that hot girlfrend of his. and if he's lucky I wont smash his face in. Probably shoudn't, might brake my hand again on his granete face.

I can't even write, so AB is writing for me. he is a legend

at least it makes my elboo feel better.

Im so depressed.

Love from
Grayam Grayme Graeme

Bunking off work

Yesterday I went to the cricket. Yes, I took the afternoon off (thanks boss) and lauded it up in the sunshine instead.

The day's play is old news now, but I did take some photos that I will upload tomorrow.

I would, however, like to echo sentiments out and about in both the blogosphere and the realm of proppa churnalism.

Why did Kallis bowl so much? I'm not complaining, but as said on cricinfo, he's about as threatening as a pineapple.

Krezja and Siddle (I'm sure it was Siddle, cbf double checking, if I'm wrong let me know) batted better than I expected (or anyone else for that matter, I imagine), nice work lads, you bat better than Glenn McGrath.

Mitchell Johnson, what a trooper. I bet Brett Lee narrowed his eyes in Mitchell's general direction, maybe with lips pursed, at least once today. "I want what he's having." Good luck, Binga. Seriously though, welcome home Mitchell.

And I would like to reiterate that Ponting's time is up. A double century next innings just MAY redeem him for another match.

Damn, being at the cricket beat being at work.

Graeme Smith update - FOUND HIM. At the WACA, would you believe it? I heard a rumour he might be there on Saturday too, which is lucky, because I'm going to be there. I would like to make a sign but I can't think of a good message. Ideas?

Ho ho ho

On the subject of sexy, I got an email from a fellow she-sandgroper, Jane, who referred me here.

If you'd like to know where that link will take you, I'll give you a clue.
If you would like to know what to purchase your favourite girly blogger for Christmas (I'm not limiting this to myself here - I'm sure neither Miriam, Nightwatchgirl or Dinnie would return this present!), here it is.

I do however have two concerns about this - that Shane Watson will be in it and Ricky Ponting won't be. Hmm. Sounds like I could be talking about the Ashes next year. But really, who wants to see Shane Watson in this calendar? What's the bet his photo would have been taken in front of a mirror?

It's a fundraiser for Glenn "My heart is broken and I'm grief personified, but did someone say book tour?" McGrath's charity, the McGrath Foundation. So a worthwhile investment from you to... me.

Speaking of good causes, Jrod is going all out for Movember. Let's get behind him in the fashion of the IPL. Except without gaudy gold or Harbhajan Singh. Thanks. If you're Australian and would like to claim the donation back on your tax, you can donate to the Full Tosser here.

A win for WA

The third best bum in cricket is moving to Western Australia. That's right, Mitchell Johnson is going to play for the Warriors.

His girlfriend, Jessica Bratich (here you go, lads), who, remarkably, is not blonde, plays some sport or other at elite level and is based here. Karate, I think.

He wanted to continue to play for Queensland while living in Perth, but it wasn't to be.

We get them any way we can. Any ideas who we should honey trap next? God knows the Warriors need some help.

What was the name of that ranga who defected to some other state? Chris someone? Meh.