Shane Warne The Musical

I saw Shane Warne the Musical recently. The tickets were $75, which I thought was a bit steep for what it is, but I heard from a lot of people that it was hilarious, so thought I'd take a look.

I read that the man himself was quite worried about how his mum would be portrayed. He really didn't have much to worry about on any level, I think they were very kind to him. Very forgiving of his off-field indiscretions. Why? Because all that matters is cricket, the Baggy Green, the Ashes. Right?

That said, there's not much about cricket at all in the story really.

It is very funny and the songs are catchy, though I found it difficult to visualise Eddie Perfect as Shane Warne, because he's infinitely more attractive. Some bits seem a bit rushed, and I think that maybe if the writing had been refined a bit in some places the jokes could have been maximised, but it's definitely not bad.

The creator said he'd like to take the show to England, but I'm just not convinced it would be appreciated there. The humour is very Australian, and I know English people therefore think that means 'not funny', but that's not the case. The ex-pats would like it though.

There wasn't a huge audience, which was disappointing, so if you get the chance to see it, go along and support the team. It's cool.

And now for something completely different...

My 2009 mission -

My dear friend Miss Field, allowed me to guest write for her cricket blog, which took me by surprise because 1) I have no appreciation for the sport whatsoever and 2) I have no understanding of the game itself. Having played a few games of drunken beach cricket with a beer in my hand and a traumatising game of French cricket in the 6^th Grade I am what most would regard as cricket’s worst nightmare.

It was with this in mind that Miss Field decided to take it upon herself to educate me in the ways of cricket greatness. An opportunity to educate the cricket philistine I am to become the crème de la crème of cricket commentator. Having only written in the past about boyfriends, the city I live in and an occasional letter to my Grandparents, I welcomed the opportunity with open arms.

Miss Field wanted this to be a progressive education that would see me go from Cricket Ladette to Cricket Lady without the messy television show. It is why I am here writing to you in my cricket ignorance.

My first taste you could say of cricket bliss was a photo of Graeme Smith. Having been advised though that digging the opposition is a BIG no-no, I couldn’t stop myself from wondering how any one man can draw so much appeal? A “fat” cricketer with freckles and no lips with a tendency to date skinny blonde models (with names longer than my first published piece) would be enough to turn any straight woman gay (or drive any other “fat” cricketer with freckles and no lips to tears), but for some strange reason the man has appeal (though not hard when you're in a field that includes Shane Warne).

So I leave you pondering the thought that, Mr Graeme “I play with a broken hand because I’m totally hardcore” (and what I would think, completely insane) Smith, could possibly be the hottest cricketer of all time… maybe a close second to Brendon Julian (until he discovered the beauty that is Dunsborough and the wealth that is the Wylie Family)….I suspect though that Miss Field is going to certainly have her work cut out for her with this cricket philistine…

- let's call her... Batting Average.

Why you should give me all your money

Earlier in the week it was mentioned that Shane Warne would make a Test cricket return if he was required.

While I don't doubt that firstly it was meant very lightly and secondly that he still meant it, I find it a highly unlikely prospect, although it would be quite cool.

Unless he dropped a catch on the fifth day of the deciding Test and lost us the series.

Then I would be joining the queue of angry pitchforkers keen to distribute his limbs across continents.

And imagine if he was dreadful. That would make it very funny for all the wrong reasons. Hilarious though. A grand comeback falling flat, especially as it's Warney. Would it fall flat though? I don't think we'll ever know.

"The English cricketers wouldn't know whether to laugh or cry if they knew that Shane Warne was to return for the next Ashes series," said a Channel 7 reporter. It's so true. Funny shit.

Aaaaanyway, a few days ago I was chatting to Herr Q of Well Pitched about Dubai, and we agreed (well I suggested and he agreed - just how it should be too) that the cricket blogging community should purchase one of the Dubai World islands and inhibit* it.

We could build a cricket stadium and hold one Test match a year there, sure to begin it may be Italy vs Japan, but soon we'd draw in the big names. One match means it's elusive, and therefore enviable.

And we can have our own awards nights, all the big names would surely be there.

I'd say our own team but, well, I figure if you lot could play professionally you would, instead of just writing about it.

Now, as we were discussing the unlimited number of talented players pouring out of Australia (his words, sort of) I think it would be prudent to make Blogland one of the Australian states.

Western Australia. Or maybe, just for the hell of it, Svalbard. I'm sure Norway have a lot to offer the world of cricket, especially the Svalbardians.

Basically, we'd be successful, elusive yet sought after. And pretty much, that's what I want from life.

The islands only cost $25 - $30 million. Who wants to be the first to pledge?

EDIT: *inhabit. Doot doot doot...

The life and times of Graeme Smith

For anyone who cares, Shane Warne drove his Mercedes (see previous post) into a tram in Melbourne. Here is the "Channel 9 Exclusive" which was taken from a peeping tom's window. It's worth a look just to hear the guy say "It's Shane Warne!"

Also. Here is one funny photo of Neil McKenzie.
Well it made me laugh, anyway.

Let us see, India conveniently rounded off the day's play with a wicket, which ended South Africa's innings on 265. Graeme's boys started well enough, and were at one point 152/1, but collapsed and lost 9 wickets for 113, which is very crappy.

Does anyone else find it mildly amusing that Graeme Smith was out on 69, considering the poor lad can't get a girlfriend?

For a comprehensive update go here (although there's a pretty good chance you meandered over from there).

If India win the series will be drawn. So... carn South Africa!

Finally, and on an unrelated note, I'd just like to point out that this week the French did something that the English couldn't, although I praise their efforts.

Who wants to go a knight rider?

My IPL team, the Kolkata Rebel Alliance, has been officially named, and I was quite disappointed that none of my most excellent and, dare I say it, super suggestions were taken on board. The Kolkata Knight Riders. This name, even though it doesn't sound as lame as the Super Kings, is actually quite embarrassing.

Someone was undoubtedly paid millions to come up with this name and all they did was choose something that'll be interpreted in a smutty context. Another example of why I should be in charge of these matters. I would have been quick to jump on this knight rider and ensure sense was seen! Hark!

Knights would be a cool name, not too common, not too weird, just right really. Night riders would even be a pretty decent, different sort of name. It sounds like something from the gaming world, something maybe a little bit elusive and enviable.

But no, the Kolkatese have gone for a different context entirely. Knight riders.
"Ricky Ponting is a knight rider."
"Oh really, which one?"
"Sir Guy of Gisborne I heard."

Actually I just need a moment to pause and reflect on that thought... mmm.

Anyway. I wonder if they have do a preference. Sir Richard Branson? Sir Elton John? Sir Paul McCartney (better watch out for gold-digging tarts in that case)? Sir Peter Jackson? Sir Charles Gairdner? Sir Ian McKellan? Sir Hiss? What would their logo look like? And they couldn't have a mascot, it would be far too offensive.

Those crazy Indians. They will still be the Rebel Alliance to me.

India and South Africa will be competing soon. A while ago I made a list of who the worst teams to lose to, and while I stand by my comment that it's worse to lose to South Africa than India (only just, though), I hope South Africa kick India's arse all the way to Peru. Why Peru? Why not.

Also, there's a quote on cricinfo that Shane Warne apparently said in reference to his immortalisation in plastic, and the dialogue he recorded for it... "I wanted it to say 'Chuck us a VB, Murali'." I haven't got VB Warney but I've got Boony and Beefy (why did I just type Beeny? Or was it Boofy?) and occasionally they do say rather funny things. That comment of Warney's that would have been funny.

Finally, visit here and then go here and join. Soon there will be a Facebook group dedicated to counting down the days until we see young Suave in the t-shirt he was born to wear.