Showing newest posts with label the Full Tosser. Show older posts
Showing newest posts with label the Full Tosser. Show older posts
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Monday, June 23, 2008
Steve Waugh: Status Confirmed
Guest blog by The Full Tosser:
In the recent light of clever articles written, co-written and produced by Miss Field I have decided to look up a few players for myself on the social networking site Facebook. Of the many awesome groups (Beat Ian Bell around the head with his bat then stick stumps up his bum, being my favourite) I have settled on one, The one.
It is none other than the tall, die hard aussie cricketer and all round good guy: Steve Waugh.
Results for Stevie are varied but there is an inevitable positive feel about this fella. May I also point out, there are no negative groups. And I believe that speaks volumes, considering that on the 'burns victim' Ian Bell front there was a mixed bag of opinions on that sausage eating midget.
Anyway down to business starting from the least popular group:
Of Course! I have met Steve Waugh in person. (13 members) This group would undoubtedly increase in size if all the Indians he has met had a Facebook accounts. Recent news of this group being: "Guess what? I met Steve Waugh." But that's ok, even if you met the dude years ago I think most Aussies and cricket respecting players/followers (no Poms cos there's no respect there...) would be able to claim that and still have a kudos status greater than Paul Keating after he met the Queen.
We Need Steve Waugh (20 members) Not much happening in this group although there are more people who need Steve Waugh rather than have met him. Unlike those who have met Graeme Smith, who well exceed the amount that need him. The description does make for interesting reading: "Steve Waugh is not only Aust greatest cricketer, but would never allowed our character to be dragged through the mud. We miss u Steve. S R Waugh never lost the Ashes" Fair call I say, mind you the Poms only started cheating the moment the 05 Ashes began so I'm not sure if we can all blame our Ricky for that...
Steve Waugh Appreciation Society. (50 members) It is beginning to become apparent that some people will make up any old group with uninspiring names like this, I reckon if
I looked hard enough I could find the "2 Girls one Cup Appreciation Society", and that's not a group anyone should be a member of! Usman Darr eloqunetly quotes: "If mother earth had a cricket match with other planets, Steve Waugh would captain us." Hear hear.
I still miss Steve Waugh (53 members)
Slightly more original group title though no much action in the group, a few odd posts but the pictures are what makes this group worthwile. See, able.
Now this is what the Aussie team is all about, the digger attitude. Many comparisons can be drawn from the ANZAC boys to our team, and New Zealand's I suppose. The Australians being the kickers of shit (yes you know which team is the shit) and the Kiwis taking up the rear (not taken up the rear) trying their best but at the end of the day being not good enough.
Steve Waugh is a God in Cricket (114 members) Now we're talking good group names. Succinct and down to the point straight away, truthful too. There are a few topical debates that are raging between who is better, Warne or Ponting, which is interesting considering this is a site dedicated to Waugh, maybe they misspelt Waugh's name into Warne. Bloody Poms...
And finally The Church of Steve Waugh (192 members) Obviously this is a religious group and thus placed in the right category. Many members means this is a hip and happening group where all the cool people go cos the uncool are uninvited and must contend with the "I think Andre Nel has a pretty face" group.
One particular thing I would like to mention is the sledging part of this group. A few qoutes are pulled from here and pushed from there and show what a wit and genius Waugh was with his mouth, here is a sample:
In a Sheffield Shield game between NSW and SA, Steve Waugh was taking an eternity to take guard, asking the umpire for centre, middle and leg, two legs - the whole lot. Then he steps away towards leg side and has another look around the field, before re checking centre.
Jamie Siddons is at slip, and decided enough is enough. He yells out-"For christ sake, it's not a fuckin test match."
Waugh replies: "Of course it isn't … You're here."
And one more...
In the Ashes of 02/03, every time Nasser Hussain went out to bat, he was greeted with the same thing from Steve Waugh: "Enjoy it Nasser, this is your last test. We will never see you again." Brilliant.
So what can we all conclude from this? Steve Waugh has no negative Facebook groups, he is a hero with the wit of Oscar Wilde and if you are stupid enough to make a group with a silly name like... "Michael Vaughn" then no one will join and you'll end up looking like an ass, like... Michael Vaughan.
In the recent light of clever articles written, co-written and produced by Miss Field I have decided to look up a few players for myself on the social networking site Facebook. Of the many awesome groups (Beat Ian Bell around the head with his bat then stick stumps up his bum, being my favourite) I have settled on one, The one.
It is none other than the tall, die hard aussie cricketer and all round good guy: Steve Waugh.
Results for Stevie are varied but there is an inevitable positive feel about this fella. May I also point out, there are no negative groups. And I believe that speaks volumes, considering that on the 'burns victim' Ian Bell front there was a mixed bag of opinions on that sausage eating midget.
Anyway down to business starting from the least popular group:
Of Course! I have met Steve Waugh in person. (13 members) This group would undoubtedly increase in size if all the Indians he has met had a Facebook accounts. Recent news of this group being: "Guess what? I met Steve Waugh." But that's ok, even if you met the dude years ago I think most Aussies and cricket respecting players/followers (no Poms cos there's no respect there...) would be able to claim that and still have a kudos status greater than Paul Keating after he met the Queen.
We Need Steve Waugh (20 members) Not much happening in this group although there are more people who need Steve Waugh rather than have met him. Unlike those who have met Graeme Smith, who well exceed the amount that need him. The description does make for interesting reading: "Steve Waugh is not only Aust greatest cricketer, but would never allowed our character to be dragged through the mud. We miss u Steve. S R Waugh never lost the Ashes" Fair call I say, mind you the Poms only started cheating the moment the 05 Ashes began so I'm not sure if we can all blame our Ricky for that...
Steve Waugh Appreciation Society. (50 members) It is beginning to become apparent that some people will make up any old group with uninspiring names like this, I reckon if
I looked hard enough I could find the "2 Girls one Cup Appreciation Society", and that's not a group anyone should be a member of! Usman Darr eloqunetly quotes: "If mother earth had a cricket match with other planets, Steve Waugh would captain us." Hear hear.I still miss Steve Waugh (53 members)
Slightly more original group title though no much action in the group, a few odd posts but the pictures are what makes this group worthwile. See, able.
Now this is what the Aussie team is all about, the digger attitude. Many comparisons can be drawn from the ANZAC boys to our team, and New Zealand's I suppose. The Australians being the kickers of shit (yes you know which team is the shit) and the Kiwis taking up the rear (not taken up the rear) trying their best but at the end of the day being not good enough.
Steve Waugh is a God in Cricket (114 members) Now we're talking good group names. Succinct and down to the point straight away, truthful too. There are a few topical debates that are raging between who is better, Warne or Ponting, which is interesting considering this is a site dedicated to Waugh, maybe they misspelt Waugh's name into Warne. Bloody Poms...
And finally The Church of Steve Waugh (192 members) Obviously this is a religious group and thus placed in the right category. Many members means this is a hip and happening group where all the cool people go cos the uncool are uninvited and must contend with the "I think Andre Nel has a pretty face" group.
One particular thing I would like to mention is the sledging part of this group. A few qoutes are pulled from here and pushed from there and show what a wit and genius Waugh was with his mouth, here is a sample:
In a Sheffield Shield game between NSW and SA, Steve Waugh was taking an eternity to take guard, asking the umpire for centre, middle and leg, two legs - the whole lot. Then he steps away towards leg side and has another look around the field, before re checking centre.
Jamie Siddons is at slip, and decided enough is enough. He yells out-"For christ sake, it's not a fuckin test match."
Waugh replies: "Of course it isn't … You're here."
And one more...
In the Ashes of 02/03, every time Nasser Hussain went out to bat, he was greeted with the same thing from Steve Waugh: "Enjoy it Nasser, this is your last test. We will never see you again." Brilliant.
So what can we all conclude from this? Steve Waugh has no negative Facebook groups, he is a hero with the wit of Oscar Wilde and if you are stupid enough to make a group with a silly name like... "Michael Vaughn" then no one will join and you'll end up looking like an ass, like... Michael Vaughan.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
An ode to The England
Welcome to Miss Field's guest blogger, The Full Tosser's second post:
If you can name the title of this song and who sings the real version you will score a prize!
Best of luck and enjoy:
LIKE A FLINTOFF FROWN
(A song about the most recent Ashes series)
Once upon a time you felt so fine
You crushed the Aussie pride, down the line, didn't you?
People'd call, say, "Beware now, they ain't minnows"
You thought they were all kiddin' you
You used to laugh about
Every ball that was, laying about
Now you don't chant so loud
Now you don't look so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next wicket
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be five nil down
Not able to turn it around
Like a Flintoff frown
You've gone to Adelaide Oval all right, scored big
But ya know ya gonna need to, keep the lead
And nobody has ever taught you how to swing that ball here
And now you find out you're gonna have to, give up the lead
You thought it'd never, come to this
But with Warney, Ponting and Gilchrist
They're not selling any Pommy Pride
As they stare into the vacuum of your eyes
And say, is that now two nil...?
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be five nil down
Not able to turn it around
Like a Flintoff frown
You always turned around to see the frowns of the Barmy crowd
When they all came down and shouted, chants for you
You never understood that you ain't no good
You should let other people tell you, what to do
You used to think that it would, somehow get better
But three then four and five nil then you ain't the winner
Ain't it hard when you discover that
Ian Bell was a twat
After he fucked up everything he could fuck up....
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be five nil down
Not able to turn it around
Like a Flintoff frown
Panesar in the stands and all the Pommy people
They're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
Exchanging all kinds of rhymes
But you'd better lift your retard head, it'd better dawn hey
You used to think that you're unbeatable
But Ricky in his Baggy Green and his pride too
Go to hell now, it sucks to be you, you can't refuse
When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're shamed now, you got no pride to conceal
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be five nil down
Not able to turn it around
Like a bum in a crowd
Like a Flintoff frown
If you can name the title of this song and who sings the real version you will score a prize!
Best of luck and enjoy:
LIKE A FLINTOFF FROWN
(A song about the most recent Ashes series)
Once upon a time you felt so fine
You crushed the Aussie pride, down the line, didn't you?
People'd call, say, "Beware now, they ain't minnows"
You thought they were all kiddin' you
You used to laugh about
Every ball that was, laying about
Now you don't chant so loud
Now you don't look so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next wicket
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be five nil down
Not able to turn it around
Like a Flintoff frown
You've gone to Adelaide Oval all right, scored big
But ya know ya gonna need to, keep the lead
And nobody has ever taught you how to swing that ball here
And now you find out you're gonna have to, give up the lead
You thought it'd never, come to this
But with Warney, Ponting and Gilchrist
They're not selling any Pommy Pride
As they stare into the vacuum of your eyes
And say, is that now two nil...?
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be five nil down
Not able to turn it around
Like a Flintoff frown
You always turned around to see the frowns of the Barmy crowd
When they all came down and shouted, chants for you
You never understood that you ain't no good
You should let other people tell you, what to do
You used to think that it would, somehow get better
But three then four and five nil then you ain't the winner
Ain't it hard when you discover that
Ian Bell was a twat
After he fucked up everything he could fuck up....
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be five nil down
Not able to turn it around
Like a Flintoff frown
Panesar in the stands and all the Pommy people
They're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
Exchanging all kinds of rhymes
But you'd better lift your retard head, it'd better dawn hey
You used to think that you're unbeatable
But Ricky in his Baggy Green and his pride too
Go to hell now, it sucks to be you, you can't refuse
When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're shamed now, you got no pride to conceal
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be five nil down
Not able to turn it around
Like a bum in a crowd
Like a Flintoff frown
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Harbhajan Singh slapped Sreesanth. Or did he?
Oooh aaah Malcolm Speed was given his marching orders.
Interestingly enough, I too am in the market for a new job.
Maybe it's a sign? Maybe I should start a Jrod-style petition to be the next ICC Chief Executive? The big question is, do I have more chance of that than Jrod does of his lovely-but-Aussie blog getting into Wisden? Time will tell.
It's all a bit vague about why though. They're not happy with his handling of 'the Zimbabwe situation' and his comments about the ICL.
To my mind it's a bit like... "Hey everyone, look over there at that big shiny gold, purpose-built distraction while we get rid of this person."
I bet this is India's doing. They started the pushing and now the Zimbabwe thing is just an excuse. And a poor one, why the hell is the ICC covering up corruption in Zimbabwe? I refer to the Full Tosser's post from a few days ago.
Anyway. Did anyone else see Sreesanth cry? IT WAS FUNNY! And one of his man-friends gave him a hug, which was brave, because if I was hugging a distressed Sreesanth I'd half expect him to suddenly go rabid. It's because mum, well see I didn't do nothing, it was his fault, he hit me, in my face, and and and all I did was say 'hard luck' because they lost, that's all, honest!
The thing is, which clown to believe?! As the more astute of you may have come to realise, I really don't like Harbhajan Singh, so I'm more inclined to believe the slightly more credible, albeit manic, Sreesanth.
It's nice to see in-fighting among the Indians (justifies a few things, to my mind at least), and the Australians doing so well.
Carn Kolkata!
EDIT: The highly-evolved Atheist has the video. Watch and laugh.
Interestingly enough, I too am in the market for a new job.
Maybe it's a sign? Maybe I should start a Jrod-style petition to be the next ICC Chief Executive? The big question is, do I have more chance of that than Jrod does of his lovely-but-Aussie blog getting into Wisden? Time will tell.
It's all a bit vague about why though. They're not happy with his handling of 'the Zimbabwe situation' and his comments about the ICL.
To my mind it's a bit like... "Hey everyone, look over there at that big shiny gold, purpose-built distraction while we get rid of this person."
I bet this is India's doing. They started the pushing and now the Zimbabwe thing is just an excuse. And a poor one, why the hell is the ICC covering up corruption in Zimbabwe? I refer to the Full Tosser's post from a few days ago.
Anyway. Did anyone else see Sreesanth cry? IT WAS FUNNY! And one of his man-friends gave him a hug, which was brave, because if I was hugging a distressed Sreesanth I'd half expect him to suddenly go rabid. It's because mum, well see I didn't do nothing, it was his fault, he hit me, in my face, and and and all I did was say 'hard luck' because they lost, that's all, honest!
The thing is, which clown to believe?! As the more astute of you may have come to realise, I really don't like Harbhajan Singh, so I'm more inclined to believe the slightly more credible, albeit manic, Sreesanth.
It's nice to see in-fighting among the Indians (justifies a few things, to my mind at least), and the Australians doing so well.
Carn Kolkata!
EDIT: The highly-evolved Atheist has the video. Watch and laugh.
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